There comes a point in your life when there is a real possibility of having a quarter-life crisis. It usually happens near the ending of an extended period of significance in your life. Mine happens to be college. Not that my college career is over, far from it in reality, but what I mean is that the part of my life where I started to become who I want to be is ending, and a new “chapter” in my life will commence in a short period of time. With this crisis comes questions that I argue with myself into a migraine over. This is about one of those arguments.

What do I want, expect, out of this relationship? What do I expect from myself for it, too? What can I do to make things better? If I think something’s being neglected, isn’t it my obligation to at least attempt to make it better on my end? To make it known what I want and why? I don’t expect anything, I shouldn’t, but then, when I feel something lacking, why do I always question myself?

Then, why don’t I? Why don’t I stop thinking about doing something and just do it? Why do I have to analyze every little thing? Wasn’t that my problem to begin with? I have to learn to let it go and just do what I feel is right. There’s no room for lollygagging here, I am a woman of action! Aren’t I?

If I can’t stop analyzing it, then why am I making excuses for myself? Why do I start thinking of distractions to help me cope with the confusion and anxiety that start building up eveytime I think of breaking the cycle that has become a nuisance to me? Yes, maybe only me, I suppose. And what would I do say I did break it? Would I know what to do then? Would it even make a difference?

So, why don’t I? Why don’t I get up off my arse, march right over to our room, break down the door and…and… Where was I going with this? What was I trying to do? Oh no, what did I do to the door? Damn, that’s just great! What was I thinking? Ouch, now my foot really hurts. I should just go and sit down and write some more before I mess anything else up. *Sulks all night at myself out of embarrassment.*

That up there is a right possibility of how I could end the evening, but I’m not. I have a plan — going with my gut! I’m going to get off the couch now, go to my woman and ask her if she’d like to have a romantic night with me ordering in and watching a good anime. Maybe read together. And we’ll discuss what food options there are, she’ll let me decide and, of course, I’ll get us our usual. We’ll probably start the night off as planned and digress to something else, maybe Netflix or the PS3, but it’ll be a night spent in each other’s company, which is exactly what I was after in the first place.