Somehow this woman has failed again. I somehow opened my mouth and said words that hurt someone’s feelings. Unfortunately, this time it was to a strong woman I had long admired.
The Good Lord has blessed me with a great many things, knowledge on how NOT to stumble over my own tongue is most definitely NOT one of those.
Yes, I apologized, but, as we both knew it was shallow and meaningless… So why now? Why in public, why? I have had nothing but time. To really think.
And now, publicly I am apologizing for real. For all the times I snubbed you, for not being one of us. For all the times you said something that was way above my head, but far be it for me to try to explain to you my lack of knowledge. I did disrespect you, I was embarrassed and cranky, and none of that was your fault… all me. All your husband did was be the man I hope someday that My Mark will. A man defending his woman to the ends of the earth. I love that about your husband.
I failed to be politically correct, yet again. Why this time I ask myself? Is this payment for something from my checkered past? Karma, God or is it just me getting too comfortable? None of these things, I was the jealous one. You had it all, a healthy body, a great life and I live in a room and none of my children want to be around me.
I need to let it go, yet in the past my mistakes were clearly outlined for me. I suppose I could have had an explanation, but fear made me say no to a meeting with the complaining parties… Why? Because YOU-woman scare the shit out of me is why. So that’s done then.
I know this thing is way beyond forgiveness, I just wanted you to know my truth. And one favor, forgive the others, they just love…
Next on the agenda is packing everything I own and moving to the UK. Why? Well, that is a whole different story. An unbelievable story of love, strength and adventure…
Creating a group even if it is on Facebook, which is pretty user-friendly, is a labour of love. It is my “job”. I take it seriously. Why? Because my participants aren’t “normal” we all have the “crazy roller-coaster ride” that is Parkinson’s Disease. (That is the only time I will EVER capitalize it again, in any of my writings). Pwp, or people with parkinsons are an odd lot. We have moments of crazy, we also have depressed moments, moments of extreme pain, happy moments and oddly content moments. We as a group, are a mixture of all of those moments. Sometimes it feels like we are battling a monster, sometimes the world, but never each other. At the core of our group are two of us. Me and an amazing friend who stood up for me without question, without thought, only with love. She and I have a connection that really transcends earthly boundaries…
The rest of the core consists of; one of the smartest men I have ever known. He has knowledge of things that surprise me everyday, he also has a fierce love and protective heart for people that he has deemed worthy, I feel lucky to be one. Another is one of the most gentle and loyal friends that I have ever had the honor to hold close in my heart. She loves with her whole heart, always…She too is fierce with her caring for us. Our final lead member is one I would trust with my most valued possessions, or even, my life. She is my antithesis, yet we have been close friends for years. She completes our fiery group with her calm demeanor. Her love is like the ocean, strong and ever continuing. She is beautiful. Inside and out.
The rest of us consists of a lovely Scottish woman, brogue intact. She is part of our backbone, our strength. I lean on her whenever I can. Then we have our Southern Belle… she carries the power of Jesus in her heart and loves each of us as if we were a delicate chick in her care. My next powerhouse is a German Fraulein who is very much an advocate and protector of people with parkinsons, she has her own radio show and we support her by playing her show and requesting music. She takes stands for those who cannot. Finally and certainly a couple of the sweetest women in the world… one in a midwest state one in the northeast… they are lovely ladies who would rather not be identified as “one of mine” because that means they are choosing. I am okay with that. I love them for who they are not what they choose.
Finally, I must include my brother from another mother… He is all that I wish I still was, but glad I’m not… Testify!!! His road with this horrible disease began early, yet he still has energy to care for a family and me, when I ask. I am awed by him.
These are my people. my tribe if you will… they actually belong to Him. Not me. If he can find it in his heart to please forgive them, they knew not what they did…