Thursday 6:16Am on August 4th…..
It’s one of those mornings where you just wake up and have so much on my mind. How am I feeling? Honestly, I feel pretty damn happy. I have so much going through my head, but at least I’m happy. Here is a high level overview
- I spent my first night at Jay’s house after dinner
- Nate has agreed to make me workout tapes and I’m holding him to it
- I met a JW from E. Orange public witnessing in Hoboken and I asked her “What should I do when I feel like my prayers are hypocritical since I’m not working to be better in certain areas of my life?” She told me “Just pray for the ‘desire’ to want to serve better.” Ahh…there’s always a way :)
- Jay really loves me
- Scheduled to have dinner with Maria Friday night. The sister said if we are friends, it might be easier to just have a talk outside the study…like in a casual setting. That should be interesting. I’m sure she’s anxious. When JW’s sometimes say they want to have dinner, it can transform into a preaching exercise, or a state-of-emergency meetup….I used to hate those things….like my brother will go 3yrs without having lunch with me despite going to school up the block from where I work. Then all of the sudden, dad says A,B,C as advice to me and here comes Super Georgie…swooping in to schedule a lunch meeting to undo the damage….so easy to see through. Yet here I am, about to do the same thing. Spiritual Progress? Maybe .And yes this is Sarcasm overloaded but it’s my diary so I don’t care. Moving along…
- Working on my daily Christian routine. So far it consists of praying first thing in the morning, doing the daily text, and preparing for the meetings on Thursday’s. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna change teachers to Jesse. She’s so good at planning, setting goals, researching, using the best of our materials..like studious, practical ish. She just got two students baptized…and pretty quickly at that (not that it’s a race). She really understands the value of having students set goals. She told me in her car last night that you can tell a student won’t get baptized when they don’t have the 3 H’s (Honesty, Humility, Hunger). I think that’s when it double cemented in my mind that Maria and I could not move forward in this capacity. Her anxiety is going to damage my ability to be honest and her temperament makes me combative in a way that makes me seem to lack humility.
- At work, I’m working with Ben Ginter. I just typed his name and had to look him up. This man is just on some whole new level. https://www.linkedin.com/in/benjamin-ginter-4861a057?trk=prof-samename-name . Everything he works on is complex and challenging. I could keep myself so busy trying to catch up to his resume. I’m going to make it my life goal to read, read, read and absorb as much as I can from this guy. I’m going to download manuals, re-read his code, refactor it and ask him to give me an assignment a.s.a.p. Honestly….everything else can wait. The gym can wait. My diet can weight…Hell, Jay can wait #srybutnotsry. I’m just sick and tired of letting my career take a backseat to everything else I want to do in life. I’m seriously ready to start making progress in my career…and making more money. I’m passionate about being a solutionist and that’s exactly what this guy is. Not to mention, I woke up to a 2:41 AM email about another person who got certified. It doesn’t help that one of the girls who got certified is named Sabrina and everyone thought it was me #FML…So yea, it’s getting pretty known that I’m not certified. Jay was like “so…do you just not want to make more money?? How is this not a priority?”
- It’s 6:52 and I need to skedaddle and make my yogurt. So before I go, I will say this. I thought Jay was in bed last night since he didn’t answer my calls, just came from the hospital with a jammed thumb, and usually knocks out early. I was surprised when he called me back at 11pm. He said, I came from my moms house, and I told her about you. I said “Really????” and he was like “lol…Yasssssssssss.” The yes really was that dragged out. I don’t know if he finds it cute or annoying every time that I seemed surprise by these things. It’s just I really can’t fathom that there can be a person out there this genuinely sweet and good looking….but really more so the sweetness. He said “I told her that you’re very nice. Very, very nice. And that you’re smart and super educated. That you’re an engineer working with Amazon and that your good at internet engineering, cloud design, operating systems, networks and all this other stuff that flew over her head but she was like Wow. I told her that your very committed to your faith and that I love you very very much. She really wants to meet you Ginny. I told her you‘re Ginny from Jersey City btw even though you’re real name is Sabine. She said Sabine is very different. I told her we have to slow down and wait for the divorce papers to settle, but she still wants to meet you. So yeah, guess you have to meet my mom now :)” I was kinda silent. I mean, I obviously didn’t mean to be. It’s just so overwhelming and he always catches me off guard. I really never saw this divorce as an option…looking back at my old journal entries, I found it to be a pipe dream and wasn’t even proud to be thinking about it. But I did have this very minuet, mild disdain for his wife somewhere inside me because I felt he gave her such a great life and she wasn’t even appreciating it. Never vocalized that to anyone though because I’m a firm believer in minding my own business and that couples need to work out their problems on their own. It’s no one else's place to disrupt that process and I would never, ever steal someone else's man. I mean, I always saw my value, but I lived my entire life feeling under-appreciated. I never got much support from my parents, siblings, or much of anyone in anything until I got to the Kingdom Hall in UC. I had staff in school that was adamant that I would be nothing but a low life. I had guys that didn’t even think I was intelligent, or if they did, they totally didn’t care because their was nothing glamorous about a female engineer. I would’ve been cooler as an Instagram model (to them). It’s just so overwhelming that there is a person out there that can see so much good in me and it makes me turn red (or blue given that I’m pretty dark) every single time. It’s just really nice to see how we’ve evolved over these last several months.
End time: 7:17AM