Getting Hired in Corporate America
Bias is Real and Life is Cheap
A Starting Point to the Series
The purpose of the Millennial Cube Jockey is to tell Personal Stories and mix them in with Useful Advice as much as possible for Generation Y. Based on US Census data, there are approximately 74,000,000 people that fit into the definition of “Millennial” — as of this writing, there are also roughly 74,000,000 “Baby Boomers” in the United States.
This dynamic is one I will refer to often in this series of articles, because the America inhabited by Millennials is one created by Baby Boomers.
Let’s get to the point…
Get a Job!
There’s a really common theme to trying to find work in Corporate America from the perspective of a Millennial: The bar of qualifications is set high, the pay is low, and the assumption is that I am a spoiled brat who only wants praise and rewards for simple stuff like showing up just because of my age. The details here are important considerations:
Wages have stagnated for 20 years in the US, yet Student Loan Debt has increased significantly — No Degree, No Opportunity
Technology is rapidly changing, yet Senior Professionals hate technology because it means they have to put in effort to learn new things.
A large portion of the US Workforce over the age of 50 have no Savings or Retirement plan, so they hold on to their high paying job as long as possible and see anyone younger than them as a threat to their survival.
The reason to point out these factors is to highlight just how screwed up the dynamics are for the Millennial generation. The Baby Boomers set up a rigged game, can’t keep up with the technology we hand them, took all our money in the form of loans, and still have nothing to show for it.
Then they have the nerve to complain that we don’t have jobs while they’re still sitting in what should be our chairs.
Practical Advice
Now that we have a more accurate portrait of the Corporate America working world, I can start to give guidance on how Millennials might start to play the game to their own benefit. Like I said, the job market is rigged, and to win, you might want to use a few tips I’ve learned over the years.
Networking is Great, Nepotism is Better
If you want to get hired, the best method is to have an “IN” that can not be ignored. That means making connections the old-school way of meeting people, joining trade groups, volunteering, or basically offering to work for free aren’t worth your time.
You have to find a family member with power, like a friend with a powerful Uncle or Aunt if you come from humble beginnings, or a Professor with a Nephew already in the business if you’re in the University setting. If you make the right connection, you will automatically beat every job applicant because of who you know, not what you know.
Job Sites Will Murder Your Soul: Part I
If you are starting out or making a career transition, there are a multitude of job sites to work through. Start a Profile, upload a Resume, then reformat the Resume because the system messes everything up, add a Cover Letter, and then start hitting that submit button!
90% of what you see leads nowhere. Even worse, there are places that will post misleading jobs that actually look good because they got paid for it. It pays to think about who is listed as the employer. Name brand means something, and if you haven’t heard of the company, look them up.
I’ve been suckered into submitting for a “Marketing Coordinator” position and get a call back in 24 hours only to discover it’s a minimum wage gig standing outside gas stations trying to sell car wash products.
The people who post jobs like that have no shame and will waste your time. It’s hard to choke-down that there’s somebody else on the other end of the phone just trying to make ends meet by being dishonest, but hey, would you trade places with them?
Job Sites Will Murder Your Soul: Part II
Even when there are legit postings on a job site from a name-brand company, you might not know that they are only posting it to follow legal obligations. Okay, let me put this another way:
They already know who they want to hire, but they’d get in trouble if they don’t post it and take applications from other people and at least pretend like they were being honest.
Sounds terrible, right? The worst offenders are Public Entities — Cities, Counties, Universities — but they are just the most obvious. What you are applying to is truly a good job, and you have no chance to get it even if you are more qualified than the person they have in mind. The terrible reality is that they are getting your hopes up for nothing, and you have no clue.
You’ve just seen a Phantom Post.
Sometimes the organization really does need that role filled and has to advertise to get applicants, but from behind a computer screen, you’ll never know. Try if you have the time and tell yourself they already gave it to the Cousin of the Janitor that everybody seems to like. You’ll sleep better.
Job Sites Will Murder Your Soul: Part III
This advice should sound familiar:
Customize every Cover Letter and your Resume to the job you are applying for, it will really increase your chances of getting an interview!
Okay, so this is something Human Resource (HR) “professionals” claim in public but in reality they use automated software to run through keywords. They don’t read your Cover Letter, and they don’t read your Resume either unless the computer tells them to do so.
The upside is that Recruiters actually do read your Resume, because they are getting paid to do so. Their motivation is compensation after they get somebody in the position — this is very different from an internal HR department.
Most Corporate America HR staff basically sit around watching YouTube all day, read nothing, and claim nobody worth forwarding to the job boss showed up. Then they claim they’re working very hard. So very hard…
Job Sites Can Save Your Soul: Part I
Statistics are on your side in some regards — if you have a set of Professional Skills, then focus on them and use the keyword approach. Can you AutoCAD? PowerPoint? Scrum? Agile? By honing down on a “job description” you can actually find something worth your time.
Yes, the “Phantom Posts” issue is for real, but if it’s a really specific gig with some parameters you can address — years of experience, names of employers they might recognize — there’s a good chance you can get an Interview. Yay!
At this point, you will maybe get your hopes up. That’s good, you made it past the first hurdle. Then you finally talk to somebody and find out the pay range is low, as in “How can I possibly pay rent, my student debt, my car insurance, and eat on this kind of salary?” type of low. Still, it’s something, and something is better than nothing at this point.
Job Sites Can Save Your Soul: Part II
Recruiters are actually useful. If you post the right Resume, the keyword search technique can work in your favor. They will find you, they will call you, and then they will try to make sure nobody else can submit you for that opportunity.
If the Recruiter speaks native English without an accent, do everything you can to make them your friend. There’s a chance to make a connection and get them to offer you a job other than the one you applied for if possible. They will sympathize.
If the Recruiter speaks English with a thick accent, treat them with respect but know they are “transactional” in nature — they are only looking for the one thing at that time and have no intent to offer you anything else.
Both of these types are useful to you in the short and long run, either as advocates or one-job-stands. You might actually get in to an interview.
In the Interview Room
You’ve made it this far, and let’s be honest, it’s not easy to at least get the chance to show up in person to a real opportunity. A Full-Time job with benefits at a reputable firm? Even getting this close is a win for you.
Being prepared is kind of a weird thing to consider — there are questions. Wear the nicest clothes you have? Bring a bunch of example work? Look up the person you are going to interview with on LinkedIn?
To all of the above, the answer is YES, and once in the room, the most important thing you can do is this:
SHUT UP AND LISTEN
The person on the other side of the table has all the power and you are just one of maybe three to five people they are going to talk with. They are in “business mode” and will let you know within five minutes if you have a chance at getting the job.
Their body language, how much of your Resume they read, all of that matters because you have to make them remember you as “that one who really seemed to get it” out of the candidates. It’s not a checklist situation, and you can’t tout your accomplishments and expect to get a positive reaction.
If anything, talking about yourself is a liability. Sounds crazy, right? But if you’re a Millennial like me, you’re already assumed to be self-absorbed, so the less you talk about yourself, the more chances you have to hear what they are looking for and then use that information to be humble and claim expertise to be the “right fit” for the job.
By navigating this minefield of expectations, you can stay in the race. No guarantee that you’ll get the offer, but at least you’re not the self-absorbed Millennial, now you’re the Millennial who doesn’t seem like one because of how selfless and humble you portrayed yourself.
It’s not glamorous working in a cubicle, but it pays, and it’s harder than ever to get your foot in the door, so use stereotypes to your benefit.
Baby Boomers are Compulsive Liars
The reality is that most Baby Boomers want to tell the Truth but are so used to lying to themselves and others that they have trouble with us Millennials. Unfortunately, they might actually believe the lies they are telling you to your face, and you will fall for them. Some examples:
- This position has opportunities for growth and promotion
- At this company, we promote from within
- The benefits are great here and valuable
- We invest in Training and Professional Development
- You’ll be joining a great team
- Work / Life Balance are important to us
The reality is that you won’t find out that you’ve been lied to until you take the job, fill out your paperwork, and hope for the best. That’s when the reality sinks in.
- The company is actually for sale but that’s not public
- Enjoy the Dead End career path, sucker
- Oops there’s no Training Budget this year (or ever)
- Welcome to a team of Jerks that ran off the last person in the role
The question you have to ask yourself when this all becomes clear is how long are you willing to tough it out? You’ve been lied to more than once, but when on the job, you find there are actually some really cool people there…
Look on the Bright Side
Once you’re in a Corporate Gig, you’re IN. By the time you got the offer, a lot of time and effort was spent to get you there. Treat it like a Reality TV show insofar as you better figure out who you are competing against and quick, because your survival depends on it.
Ears and Eyes Open: Check
Mouth Shut: Check
What comes next? Only a ton of navigation, humility, and effort to solve the next riddle:
How to “Fit In” and keep the job you just got…
