I Don’t Regret You.
Dear Stranger I Once Knew,
You’ve given me the most beautiful time of my life. I learnt so much about me. About love. About being able to cry. About not being able to cry. About you. About happiness. About little pleasures. About jealousy. About random smiles. About butterflies. About goosebumps behind my neck. About how just one sentence can transform the entire day, or life.
I do not deserve anything.
Not you. Not happiness. Not sadness. Not life. Not death. I hang in the middle of everything. Think of a boat filled with water on both the ends, a kilometer from the shore, not sure if it’ll make it. This is what all the efforts came down to -
I’m sorry I wasted your time and energy.
I’m tired. Not of you. I never am tired of you, never will be. To deal with everything alone and to pretend to be strong exhausts me. I don’t have your support anymore, I don’t see it. You’re so distant, I can’t feel you.
I really wanted to say, "Maybe some time later, when the time will be ours, we’ll meet again." I am sorry we won’t have that chance. Time is something I don’t want to have.
You were my happy place. I’ve never been so happy with anyone. Ever. I can’t imagine being so content in the years I’ve breathed. You are the man who can make me laugh, genuinely. You made me feel like I was 16, all over again. Endless memories, cliché. Endless conversations, cliché. Endless possibilities, not so much.
I believe when you tell me I’m beautiful. I did not, before you. I still won’t, after you.
I believe you when you tell me it’s going to be alright. I never did, before you. I still won’t, after you.
I trusted you when you said you won’t leave. You did. I still trust you.
Oh, baby, fancy how I made you my world. Now, sans you, every speck of my world is scattered. And yet, I can’t be thankful enough. You gave me a life. You gave me hopes and dreams.
When you walked away, you made me feel like a peasant, do not ever forget that. You’d say I was your Princess. I’ll be always grateful. Always.
–The Girl Who Was Your World, Too.