I wish you knew how hard I fell, expecting you to catch me. You pushed me further into the ground and I mistook that for something it was not. It’s not easy, it’s the most difficult part of breathing -being yours. Loving you hurts. Seeing you with other people hurts. Watching you choose them over me hurts. Knowing that I don’t mean what you mean to me anymore hurts. Everything hurts. So much that it takes away a part of me every time. A billion knives in my body would still hurt less. I’ve come to know the difference between pain and hurt. You are in pain, but you get hurt. Many a times, the latter being why the former comes into play.
Just like you’ve a part of your soul with every woman you’ve been with, I’ve pieces of my soul -ripped and bleeding -in every moment of weakness you’ve left me in.
But that’s not the only aspect, you see? You ignore me like it’s your pass time and then come back like nothing really happened. And me? I run after you like a lost puppy. It kills me a little, every time. Why does it make me doubt my existence? Am I non existent? Has my presence in your life somehow confined to that noun?
I’d accepted you, with everything that’s you. I did that because I chose to overlook what you think your materialistic value is and see what a gem you are, because my love for you is beyond the shallow ideas of worth or appearances.
I’m forever grateful to you. For every single thing I’ve experienced with you. Be it feelings or pain or hurt or just plain butterflies in my stomach, or that warm that you brought along, or how our lips fit perfectly like petals of rose, or how special you, your words, made me feel.
There’s no one that can replace you, and no other feeling that can replace the enormous amount of love I have for you. I don’t know why I love you. I don’t know why you mean the universe to me. I don’t know why, but I did limit my world to you. I made you my everything. Every speck of my soul and every atom in my body and every little piece of darkness or light that I held inside, I limited it to you, subconsciously. I don’t regret it. I can’t. You have the been the most beautiful mistake of my life, I’d do it all over again. I won’t regret it even after a hundred thousand times.
You are my addiction. I just can’t do without you. Fortunately, there’s no rehabilitation. There’s never been any other man in my life who took me to abode of everything and while I was taking in the breathtaking view from the precipice, trusting you’d hold me if I lost my balance, you put a finger on my back and I crashed down into the ditch. It wasn’t a normal ditch, let me tell you. It wasn’t a regular some foot deep ditch. It was an infinite one, the one where you keep falling through air and drowning through water, without the sense of either and you keep falling until you’re dead. Mind you, you don’t stop falling after you’re dead; you just stop feeling.
Even after what you put me through, my love for you hasn’t died, or faded. Not even a little. It won’t. It can’t. Although there are more lows than highs, more sad moments than happy ones, more quarrels than make ups and more arguments than peace, but you hold a place in my life that any other living being can not fit in.
I build castles with you, hoping to reign our own little kingdom someday, together. I know they say that I’m a Queen in my own right, how I wish they knew that all I want to be is your Princess.