I’m a god and it’s damn difficult
As parents we are all given god-like power & responsibilities. Life and death is at our fingertips. And being a god is much tougher then I thought...
I don’t have any superpowers and can’t control nature. I can’t see through time, back and fourth, and I am certainly not all mighty. So I know the title might sounds a bit pretentious (it probably is, but after all it’s a blog post title in 2016). I don’t mind sounding pretentious… it’s more important that I publish the fact that being a god is not as easy as you all think. As soon as I found out I was a god, I started worrying and experiencing the difficulties that come along. Frankly, I don’t know how all those gods do it (well, I’m a jew, so in fact I believe in only one god. Being secular I hardly believe in him\her either. in short- I never really struggled with thoughts about their work…).
It was when I got my dog that I had the epiphany. She was just two months old. Me and my wife took her home, and even though we were a young couple with WiFi we had no idea what to do. The dog (named Aria or Arya) spent the first night in our house scratching the door of the porch we locked her in. It was traumatic for us, and maybe for her too. It took several events and mistakes like that until we understood our position as gods. That is what we are for Arya. All capable, food granting, determining the order of the day. Appearing and disappearing at will. She trusts us that WE KNOW WHAT TO DO. When I think about the totality in her eyes when she looks at me or my wife I can cry. And then our first daughter was born.
When my first daughter was born it didn’t make me feel like I was a special gifted person. Basically- nothing changed. Just same old day dreaming boy. And looking at that fragile crying baby in the middle of the night made me feel like a god’s work might not be for me.
Complete reliance
A baby’s reliance on you is total. In 2009, a South Korean couple neglected their child for playing video games in the local internet cafe. The child, Kim Sa-rang, died of malnutrition at the age of 3-months (the death is covered in the 2014 documentary Love Child). I don’t want to be judgmental, for lack of knowledge and authority, so just look at the facts- that couple were suddenly placed in the position of gods. Complete control over the routine of a completely dependant being. And they didn’t fill the role. The child died. Those gods gave life and took it.
Gods don’t just supply physical needs
Assuming you are normative and have the proper means and support, you can probably support a baby through the early complete reliance phases. It is hard and takes a big sacrifice but quite magical (that’s why it’s the worst and best thing that can happen to you). But when your child starts communicating- that’s when your hard god-work begins. There’s no manual or FAQ, just you, a mortal with god-like powers and responsibilities.
We routinely mistake, miscalculate and misunderstand
Of course I started off my parenting believing I know what to do. It’s easy to forget that the theories in our minds cover only a fraction of the complexities of reality. You think you know how to be a good parent? you’re wrong. Two and a half years into parenting, I now know I make tons of mistakes with both my daughters. I tend to forget things, lose my temper, be lazy, send mixed messages. Too often I forget that everything a parent does sends a message. I tell my big one not to bang on the table but then go on a drumming frenzy with her. I play with my phone while we’re eating. I even encouraged her to throw a ball at her baby sister once (well, a soft ball)!
They surprise me, catch me off guard. Hell, my two years old can even insult me sometimes! But I’m not an actual god- so striking her with lightning is not an option (the little thing wants “only mommy”!!). Raising the little honeys is an on going game of self control, emotions and self consciousness. If that’s not enough, you also have to know when to let go and just flow with it…
So, my point is this-
whether you’re a parent or just raising a pet, you just got the major responsibilities of a god! congrats. Just don’t forget that you didn’t get the superpowers most gods get. You still have your mortal physical abilities and a lousy sense of self control. Even though some people say that your “priorities” change, it’s bullshit- you still have those stupid-teenager-like impulses. You are a parent, but no fucking god.
I wrote a post about the conflicts and dilemmas in my parenting role. Maybe you can share some of yours in a comment?
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