I am left traumatised with shared accommodation experience


Because there’s a lot of trouble some people in this world and no one tells you, you will meet the majority of them in your shared accommodation to prepare you for the life ahead you, maybe to make you more tolerant or maybe to make you stronger. Who gives a shit. You are left traumatised. And you need to deal with that.

And trauma does not need to be something difficult to carry on or maybe, something BIG to happen to say it is traumatic. Because when you experience little traumas, they pile up, they wire in your brain, they make you to stop trusting in anyone else, they leave you feeling scared of people, traumatised that the next thing these people will do, is stab you or do something that comes in total contradiction and disgrace with your ethics, with your values, with your cognition. It’s like a cognitive dissonance that happens every second of your life. And this experience is traumatic. Living like this is a potential road to depression if you are not equipped to deal with it. But the funny thing is, you get well equipped to deal with it after you have experienced it all.

According to Psychology Today, trauma is defined as it follows:

After any distressing or life-threatening event, psychological trauma may set in. Sufferers may develop extreme anxiety, anger, sadness, or PTSD, or they may have ongoing problems with sleep or physical pain, and even issues with relationships or concerning self-esteem.

Ph.D Author David Grand who discovered the brainspotting therapy mentions that a physical trauma is a psychological trauma because when you experience something physical that leaves you injured, your nerves cannot distinguish between emotional or physical trauma, therefore it is so linked and so well wired in our brains that you may not even know you are traumatised. Trauma is a stressful event that may leave you feeling anxious, sad or angry about things and about stuff you may want to accomplish in life, because a specific task you may need to do to fulfil that is actually linked in your brain to that traumatic experience, which no one wants to relive.

Are you anxious? Are you angry? Are you sad? You may very well have a trauma behind this.

Because your body simply reacts in its own way to make you cope with and to keep you functioning at an optimal level. Expressing those feelings can sometimes be devastating, overwhelming and quite exhausting.

And as I have pinpointed earlier, it does not need to be something BIG to leave you traumatised. Because it all actually depends on the level of stimuli you have received on that particular experience. If you are not someone that has went through a lot of trouble when young, if you are someone that is not dealing on a daily basis with powerful negative insights, speech, stories etc, the way you might react when something negative happens to you, is going to hit in a BIG way your nerves. Because they have never been put to that kind of stimulation.

Imagine you do read on a daily basis about fights, imagine you would have a brother who would always come home hit, imagine you would have a parent who would snap your face every time you would not get a good grade. Imagine you experience all the bad things you could possibly imagine yourself to go through. Now, imagine, what would your reaction be when something happens directly to you. You would not be shocked (as most people who have not been in shocking situations before would be) and you would definitely not be taken by surprise. Sure, it is a surprising thing for you to experience this, but it’s not like it leaves you blank, not knowing how to react to it or what to do next. It won’t leave you frozen in time. It will make you react in a way or another.

When everything you are, is made up of your life traumas. They happen to leave scars. Some are visible, even if they have only occurred on a deep psychological level with no real impediment for you actually live life as a normal human being. except all human beings have been traumatised in their lives at some random point in time.

If someone would knock your door shouting and screaming and saying they would hurt you, while you were watching a prank on YouTube, I bet, you will have a long time until you will eventually re watch those types of videos, if you will ever be able to do that. WHY? Because your brain will ALWAYS think of that as the moment when the traumatic experience occurred, when you feared for your life and did not know what to do. Your brain will try to protect you from experiencing that trauma ever again, and you will not want to watch a prank or hear about it ever again. As that’s what was on when you experienced a shock. It does not matter that it had nothing to do with reality. It does not matter it was a separate thing. It does not matter that life can be funny and harsh. The only thing that matters is that you do not wish to live that ever again, so, even when your friends may discuss about a potential prank on someone, you will be against it at powerful speed and argumentative speech about why is inappropriate, about how stupid that is, about how life is not about pranks and you may even become scared of someone joking with you about the thing you saw in that video when the accident happened. Yeah, called them a bias. But it’s hard to un-wire that from your conscious mind, let alone your unconscious one once it happened. Because it is a traumatic experience. Your nerves were pushed. Your whole existence was changed in that specific moment.

You may forget about the experience, you may say, you’ve passed over that, you may even believe you did. But trust me, the next thing something slightly similar will be brought to your attention, your protective mind will sing the alarm. Anxiety. Sadness. Anger. These “friends” will step in and guide you further.

I am still living in shared accommodation and I cannot say that very awful things have happened. But those that did, as small as they may seem to others, they are BIG on my nerves. On your nerves too, maybe, if you are sensitive too.

Sensitive.

This is what the dictionary explains the word as:

quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences

If you are quick to detect there’s a threat that will change your status quo, that you happen to believe it is peaceful and it took you A LOT OF TIME TO GET TO THAT POINT, you will be in shock as, on one hand, you need to determine how will this shocking experience change my status quo and secondly, how will I go back to my status quo, if I am ever going to go back there?, which is the ultimate fear. So trauma is probably more prone to be felt by sensitive people. But not necessarily.

It all depends on your level of sensitivity.

Yeah, I know you’re curious about what were those experiences, that were soooo traumatic. Of which, you might think, such a whiner. Because you might compare my experiences to other more eventful and traumatising events. BUT CAN YOU READ AGAIN ABOVE? If not, let me reiterate that:

It all depends on YOUR level of sensitivity.

What I want to say, is that, trauma is leaving everyone with a backpack. Full of anxiety, fear, sadness, maybe depression, post traumatic stress and anger. Lots of anger. That this has happened to you, that people are in a certain way, that the world is fucked up, and that there’s no hope. Well, that you may think on a bad day. Maybe on a Monday. Maybe on a Friday too. Who knows? It’s your level of sensitivity. It’s YOUR TRAUMA.

I guess, I am dealing with that backpack in my own way. Some people write the experience, traumatising them with their details. Some people highlight how they have overcome it. Some people simply hold it in and burst in the most inappropriate moments. Some people are left so anxious that they start to ask themselves what happened to their lives? But these types of people will never be able to say that’s the moment that my life started to fell apart. Because they have actually piled up traumas. And I think, this is the main reason, we need to all search for a therapist. Sometimes, it’s not up to ourselves alone to deal with it. We need help. It may be scary to say these words:

I NEED HELP.

Because there’s really few people that want to help. They all want to get away, including from their own traumas. Helping other people is painful, as you need to experience the post traumatic thinking and behaviour yourself too, and that’s painful, and we all just want to have fun and laugh and forget the awful things.

We all look the other way.

And that’s because we have been through traumas and we don’t like it. Dealing with another human experiencing a trauma, as small as it may be, brings our minds and spirits back to our own traumas. It’s like looking ourselves in the mirror. We do not like what that trauma has made of us.

People will only help to the extent that it won’t be traumatic to them. Be cautions, we are told. Don’t take unnecessary risks, you have your own life to deal with.

Yeah, it’s true. but wouldn’t you want someone to help you when you need it?

Btw, this post is for people who understand the difference between genuine help offered to people and help offered to people who take advantage of us. Those people that have actually left us traumatised. Because we are so traumatised with life in general, that we cannot distinguish anymore between people that are actually traumatised and those that pretend have been, to further traumatise us even more. Thus leading to a vicious circle, in which our responses are

WE ALL LOOK THE OTHER WAY.

Have you ever wondered WHY? Because the answer is most likely going to be, deep inside, a trauma was not healed.

stop telling yourself other people are blocking your development, you can take their hands off your eyes.