When the Democrats Lost, the White House Became Full of Venomous Wasps and I Want to Fuck Every Single One Them Until I Die
“This is just my opinion,” my father said to me on a somber Sunday afternoon in the 90s, “but, you can’t trust a liberal as far you can throw him.” Those were the words I kept in my mind on Nov. 8th 2016, when Donald Trump took the world by storm by winning the pivotal swing state of Nebraska. It seemed that everyone was surprised except for me. I predicted his win from a mile away. The taste of the winds had changed from liberal muenster to a far-right pepper jack, and there was not stopping what was coming.
“The right wave is coming,” I said to the barista at my local 21+ only iHOP House of Pancakes. I just kept repeating it until I was forcibly removed from the establishment. Anyone could have seen this coming, but this was six years ago and I was fresh out of high school and ready to jack it to any anime porn I could find because I was finally an adult. Little did I realize that that same anime porn would become fuel for the alt-right to feed neo-nazi frogs with only six short years later. I did realize, however (thanks to my future sight), that Donald Trump would be president. I just foolishly believed he’d be running Green Party for some reason. I believe I may have been picking up signals from an alternate dimension, but I digress.
The melancholic mood was not without its bright spots. I think all of us could feel a sense of hope in the amphitheater. The left had been mobilized like no scooter that had come before it. I reached up for my dictionary and took my sister’s finger (she was 12 at the time) and made her point at the word condensation. I couldn’t find “condescending” in the book, the word that best describes how I was treated as one of the Bernard Brothers who sent Hillary Clinton’s prized Arabian poodle death threats. What most people don’t know is that we didn’t send that poodle threats because it was Arab.
We sent it threats because it blocked us on blogging website, Ello (still in popular use today). That was and is unacceptable.