I have to make a decision soon. My boss is asking me if im in it for the long haul. If I stay, I will be prepped for management and I’ll be running the design team when he leaves. Sounds so good. I am enticed. I feel like taking the offer. Just a few things bother me though. Our office doesnt have a water dispenser. My salary is low. It’s been 6 months and I still havent been made a regular employee. The reason, I am told, is that they’re not sure what my plans are. I am regularly asked about my 5 year plan. I have none. I just want to grow. I want to learn. I want to do something for my country. Most of the time I want to quit. The 8–5 is killing me. Working mondays to saturday. Then I think about the successful people. They work harder than everyone else. I wont be successful with this attitude. And so I carry on my daily duties, without answering their question, “what are your plans? How do you see yourself within this company”. A part of me wants to bail while I still have the chance. I can start my own thing. I have resources. I have contacts. I have talent. But then part of me feels guilty. Guilty that I havent really contributed to this company that has taught me a lot so far. Guilty that I havent reached maturity. I feel that I have to at least become great at my job before leaving.
This indecisiveness. Im not giving them an answer. Its driving them crazy. I could go both ways, both having positive outcomes. Im leaning toward leaving. But I can see the opportunity in staying. I could get the best of both worlds even if I stay. Eeh. We’ll see what happens.