How To Defeat Codependence From The Inside

My story of self-discovery and figuring out a path to change.

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Photo by Dan Grinwis on Unsplash

Identify the Problem.

I’ve been reading this writer on Medium, Kris Gage. Her articles about love are refreshing. They deconstruct love and reassemble it in a new way that actually makes more sense.

Society shows us unhealthy love.

Love as a search for the one, a mystical being that opens you to a whole new world and completes you (personality, intellectual understanding, and physical deficiencies).

“According to Greek mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts, condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other halves.”

-Plato, The Symposium

That’s an impossible predicament. There’s this one partner that can complete us.

I had a few other theories about love.

Any two people forced together for long enough can fall in love, like a patient falling for her therapist except without the patient/therapist relationship. The way survivors of a tragedy are bonded in a special way.

Kris Gage supports an independent kind of love.

Kris Gage’s articles interested me in hopes of learning about blog and fiction writing. I was wondering how Kris Gage had such depth in her articles.

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Photo by Gabriella Sudjono on Unsplash

I enjoy reading posts that analyze a topic in-depth.

Like the posts of Emma Lindsey, Zaron Burnett III, or Abby Norman.

Kris Gage extensively researches her articles.

Could I replicate that?

It’s about things I’m trying to change about myself.

Reading one of Gage’s posts got me to this article is Psychology Today about codependence.

Identify Associated Thought Patterns

It was revelatory, reading this article.

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Photo by Ryan Loughlin on Unsplash

I am codependent.

Codependence starts with looking for approval instead of love that wasn’t easily accessible. That quest for approval starts with being perfect and hoping for approval.

Then I learned to protect myself other ways.

Manipulation, Passive-Aggressiveness, and Evasion.

Identify the Cost of stagnation.

I crave approval to such a degree and get hurt from criticism too much.

Identify the Rewards of Growth

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Photo by Tobi Oluremi on Unsplash

Those were things that I couldn’t have realized without meditation.

Therapy, religious belief, or other forms of meditation would’ve also gotten me there.

Going through with this is terrifying.

I have no idea what exists beneath this artifice erected over all these years.

I explored Myers-Briggs personality typing.

It helped me figure out who I am inside.

I’m not sure where this goes, but this seems like the right direction.

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Photo by Yeshi Kangrang on Unsplash

Written by

Smart, Devoted to Meditation, Writing for Fun, Truth, Living with Differences, Optimist. www.RadicalGK.com

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