The great rejected is reaching for the stars

Ok. This is my first attempt, if it’s pish I apologise.

Right

Hello. I was in hospital for a long time last year. I was very ill. But when I got out I made a to do list of things I wanted to do.

Write a book

Write a play

Write a TV series

Start a blog

Look like Emma Willis

So, er. I’m starting a blog. My name is Janine and I have Cerebral Palsy which for me means I can’t walk or talk. I’m a cyclist and a writer. I’ve tried this blogging lark before. I quit. I shouldn’t have quit. I’m not a quitter.

I want to talk frankly about my life and my hopes and dreams and the challenges I face . I want to be braver online and on social media. I want a voice, I want a laugh, I want to write, I want to read. I want to live as full a life as possible.

I have so many dreams but there’s a paradox between my abilities and what I’d like to do. There’s also a paradox between the reality of being disabled and the media portrayal of that reality.

I’d like to travel the world and have my dream career but I’m stuck. That’s how I feel sosometimes. Physically, socially, professionally stuck.Like a wheelchair without wheels.

I’ve written pilot sitcoms and sent them off and got rejected. I’ve written plays and sent them off, got rejected. I applied for Glasgow university, got rejected. I’m currently working on a project but I don’t want to talk about it or get too excited encase, I get rejected

Yes, I’m the great rejected.

I feel like I’m floated through life like jelly in a sea of melted ice cream. I’m running and running yet I’m standing still. I’m standing in plain sight but nobody sees me. My condition effectS everything in my life. I know in this day and age we are all trying to be positive but at times that can be hard.

I’m no where near what or who I hoped to be, I’m rapidly approaching 40. Catlyn Moran wrote her debut novel when she was like 14.

I’ve been writing for years and I still don’t have a agent. I love writing and I don’t regret my career choices but I wish I was further a long than I am.

I hope I’m on my way to where I want to be and I hope, this time I continue to blog and get better at it. I’m nervous at putting myself out there, especially amongst fellow writers. I hate blogs that pretend life is perfect, my life isn’t perfect but I’ve got so much to be grateful for. I’m reaching for the stars, however far away they may be and that alone is testament to the power of love my family shows me.

Despite what we may see about disability on the television I know so many disabled people who are struggling so much they don’t have time to look up and know that stars exist.

But no matter how tough things get I always have my family to point to the stars and say reach.