The blurred boundaries are the issue it seems more than anything. One person might have a hang up about something. The other person can hear them say it to them. It doesn’t mean that they fully understand it though. So why have relationships with these men and then put conditions on it like the condom thing.
Getting to the point to calling the sex rape lacks some information as well. Rape is a pretty strong charge. When they took off the condom did you let them know that it wasn’t ok, repeatedly or did you go along with it as if it was ok. Communication is vital in most parts of a relationship, but this part most of all. If you mentioned it being a problem, but went along with it anyway as if it wasn’t the charge seems false. If you were letting him know that it wasn’t ok all along then the charge is correct.
The various ways people respond to your story is how they interpret these events that you, somewhat understandably, left vague.
The perspective that I get is that you need to stand up more for yourself in the moment. If you are uncomfortable make the person you are with aware of this in no uncertain terms. Again and again if needed. Maybe you did that, but for whatever reason the message didn’t seem to be getting through.