10 Things to Do Instead of Watching the Debates

Except for those who favor bringing to the U.S. the Soviet style practice of jailing your political opponents, most people were not cheering the debacle in St. Louis last night that was supposed to pass as political discourse in helping us pick the next Most Important Person on the Face of the Earth. While a less than perfect Hillary Clinton still can’t give us a decent answer on her email mess or on her money grubbing double talk with Goldman Sachs, she was clearly the only adult in the room, actually trying to talk about policy while being subjected to middle school name-calling by a creepy stage stalker who thinks it is not only okay, but perfectly reasonable, to brag about committing sexual assault.

Let’s face it, folks, if you haven’t made up your mind by now, you haven’t been listening and probably should not actually cast a ballot. So, take my advice and skip the last prime time reality show in Las Vegas on October 19. Almost anything else would be a better alternative, but here are my suggestions for more entertaining activities.

  1. Watch an NFL or even a pre-season NBA game. Or better yet, just tune into the interviews after the game. You probably won’t hear the “locker-room talk” you’ve been told is okay as long as you sorta apologize, but at least it should be appropriate for the kids.
  2. Talk to your kids. Tell them about how there was a time in this country when we actually respected our leaders. When they start rolling their eyes, just turn on reruns of Bedtime for Bonzo.
  3. Read a book. With the Broadway hit Hamilton still packing them in, pick up the outstanding biography by Ron Chernow on which it is based. Recall a time when political rivals fought duels to settle their differences. Now, there’s a thought.
  4. Go out to dinner with friends. But avoid any place where a shout of “INS” will send the kitchen staff scattering. You may be stampeded by “rapists and drug dealers” who are scheming to get by on the minimum wage or less while seeking a better life for their families.
  5. Go for a drive. Okay, I know it is night time, but enjoy the peace and quiet, and if you are African-American, make sure you have your Go-Pro on when you are stopped by the neighborhood cop.
  6. Catch a movie. Skip anything with the word “conspiracy” in the title and films with sub-titles to avoid being labelled “French.”
  7. Go shopping. Make it a game to try to find any Trump-branded items that were not made in Chi-Na.
  8. Go to your personal email and see how many messages you can delete in an hour. First one over 30,000 gets to claim the “high road.”
  9. Play a board game. Believe it or not, kids, there was a time when you rolled dice and moved pieces around a cardboard playing surface. Try a game called “Bankruptcy” and try to keep your hotels and casinos solvent. Even if you lose, you can sue your creditors and claim to be a genius at business.
  10. Go to your church, synagogue, mosque, reading room, tabernacle, ashram or wherever you worship. If you are a non-believer, go to a place with some personal spiritual meaning. Pray hard, or whatever works for you, for the future of our country.

Originally published at gnallornothing.tumblr.com.