NEVER BEEN THERE, NEVER DONE THAT

Go Girl
Go Girl
Nov 7 · 3 min read

It’s Halloween. I’m alone, but I’m not scared.

A year ago, my divorce was freshly final. Thirty two years gone, wiped out. At least that’s the language in the divorce decree. The dissolution of the marriage leaves us as if the marriage never existed.

Of course that isn’t true. Evidence abounds in my two terrific sons. But other traces of the marriage are long gone. The houses we lived in, the photos either given away or stored never to be displayed again. The shared friendships with other couples dispersed like milkweeds to the wind.

What remains are my personal heroes. The girlfriends I knew long before the marriage, my therapist, my kids, the many new friends and work partners I’ve cultivated and of course, my dates.

It’s not as though I haven’t faced scary times before. There was the breast cancer in 1998, and the car accident in 2010 that left me unable to walk for six months. Unlike those times when my husband was there alongside me, and the community stepped up to bring us meals at home and drive our kids to their appointments while I recovered from my illness or injuries, I’m on my own. There’s no one stopping by to fix my dinner, or keep me company when I’m feeling lonely. No, this time is different. It’s up to me to get out there, shout when I need help or appreciate my new found “alone time”.

So it’s a new beginning full of choices. All mine to make, or not. I can be ambivalent, ambitious, reluctant or courageous. I’ve chosen courageous.

This Halloween I walked to Beacon Hill to see the hoards of people who parade the closed off streets in all types of costumes and take in the incredibly decorated facades of the beautiful homes.

I walked with iPhone camera in hand wearing my red rain jacket, jeans and sneakers. I watched parents in costume help their kids reach into giant bowls of candy and groups of friends in all manner of get-ups laughing and strolling along. The costumes were great, the houses amazing, and the spirit just plain fun. I took it all in and was glad to be a Halloween party where everyone was welcome, no matter what.

I’ve spent a lot of time alone among people this last year. For the most part, what I’ve seen or heard or watched has been enriching in some way. When I think ahead, it’s in terms of weeks, not years. That’s a big change for me. But it’s been liberating to seek ways to be happy now and not worry about a future I can’t fully control. Who knows what will be behind the many doors I hope to open. I’ve never been there, never done that. Not scared.

Go Girl

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Go Girl

Follow me, a 62 year old single woman, as I discover myself, my family, and love all over again.

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