Choosing My Family: Why I No Longer Spend Christmas with Relatives

Rediscovering the Joy of the Holidays Away from Traditional Family Gatherings

Twenty-five years ago, my groovy, witchy, “cool” cousin Andrea stepped away from our family Christmases, leaving a void I never understood — until now.

In the tapestry of family gatherings, every thread has its unique color and texture. Andrea’s thread was vibrant, unconventional — a splash of psychedelic hues in our otherwise monochrome family fabric. She was the one who introduced me to the folk harmonies of The Roches and the late-night TV wonders of “The Midnight Special.” When she moved to Boston, leaving behind the Christmas reunions of our large family, it felt like a personal loss. But it wasn’t until I found myself walking a similar path that I began to understand her reasons.

I’ve always been the odd one out in my family. The gay, artistic, job-hopping liberal in a clan where such descriptors were as foreign as a snowstorm in July. I realized that outside of the annual holiday gathering and an occasional funeral, I shared little with these people who were supposed to be my nearest and dearest. They were strangers wearing familiar faces, people I wouldn’t think to call in a crisis or even for a casual chat.