The Worst Things for Sale: Camping Edition

Camping season is upon us and while the internet is rife with posts about all the latest camping gear you’ll need this year, we here at Gociety prefer to warn you about all the questionable camping accessories that you can probably get outside and be awesome without.

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1. Cat tent — The perfect place to keep your cats prisoner while you’re trolling for Mountain Lions.

2. High heel hiking boot — Some gals (and some guys, let’s be honest) just love the way a high heel accentuates the legs. You’re sure to get lots of attention on the trail in this pair.

3. Hand cranked blender — Do you even smoothie bro? If you can’t make it one day without a protein shake, this contraption is for you. Probably a hell of a tricep workout too.

4. Pinata tent — Not weatherproof in the least but it’ll take a few whacks before it splits open completely.

5. Inflatable car bed — Warning: you can’t be taller than 4’2” for this to be even remotely comfortable. For a similar experience, try sleeping in a child’s twin bed. Or a dog house.

6. North Paw — It buzzes every time you face north for some reason. The world record for the longest anyone has been able to wear this without going insane: 12 minutes. Also, good luck trying to convince your friends this isn’t an ankle monitor.

7. Sheep tent — Not recommended for hunting season.

8. Outdoor theater system — If you’re trucking all the way out into the wilderness with your projector and this mammoth screen, you’re likely missing the point. But if you do go this route, make sure to turn up the volume so everyone camping nearby can hear it. Then put on Friday the 13th, Sleepaway Camp, or The Blair Witch Project.

9. Shoe flashlights — “Hey what’s that over there?” “Hold on while I karate kick in that direction.”

10. Bunk bed cots — Why stop at two? Why not a quadruple decker? No tent would hold this monstrosity anyway.

11. Full body sleeping bag — All the warmth of a sleeping bag with all the convenience of a Snuggie. Perfect for skateboarding apparently.

12. Mystical campfire — Pro tip: if this is of interest to you, you probably already have something in your pack that will make your campfire look psychedelic.

13. Propane coffeemaker — Nothing spices up a fresh cup of coffee like the smell of propane.

14. Off road commode — If you do insist on using it, we recommend stopping the car first.

Are we wrong about any of this gear? Feel free to try to convince us in the comments.


Originally published at blog.gociety.com on June 6, 2016.

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