Worst Man: I’m the Friend You Didn’t Invite to Your Wedding
The Awl
22

My story is a little different, though with the same feeling of rejection. The first group of friends, about six of us, tend to hang out. We had a small house party last August — every guy there who was familiar with the host was asked to be a groomsman save for me. I was invited to the wedding and the bachelor’s party (got a text from one of the guys, not the soon-to-be married man). I rejected the offer to join the bachelor’s party; I’d be the only person there not a groomsman so I felt like the +1 or “groomsmen + the guy who is a groomsman. I went to the ceremony but sent a note to his fiancee who was doing the reception that I could not make the after party.

The second group, but instead of “not invited to wedding” is “not invited to mud runs.” In the past four years two of my friends and couple of others did mud runs without thinking of whether or not to invite me. In the past I was the one inviting them, to operas, to the movies and whatnot. Four years, four mud runs. Not a damn single text or phone call on whether or not I’d like to join. We’re in the same city as well. I had dinner with one of the guys, the “link” between the first group and second, and he did ask if I wanted to do one. I said yes, but I’m not even sure if I want to do it now after some reflection. Why the fuck would I want to do an event with the others guys who, after four years, didn’t give a shit about asking me?

I need new friends. It’s clear they don’t see me as a person on their first tier of friendship. Just an option. Just a “we need another body, who should we invite?”

And if I ever do get married … the “link” and one other guy will get an invite. The rest? Fuck them. They view me as a peripheral.

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