Isn’t it strange the way events impact us? The way we watch ourselves, mentally and physically, react to certain happenings astonishes me. Our minds, our bodies, are fascinating. One of the most fascinating things I’ve found however, is the way an event can serve as almost a rebirth of ourselves. Kate, What are you talking about?
The day my dad died, part of me did. When the person who brought you into this world, who raised you, made you who you are leaves, you change. Not because you want to or because you need to, simply you just do. An event so impactful can do that. An event so tragic, it becomes the new time marker for your life. It becomes a crucial turning point in your life that you will look back to and say, “that’s when everything changed“. I can already see that much. I use this one tragedy to gauge my own timeline now. There is a before he died and there is an after he died. That’s just how it is for me now.
You will change after enduring an event as tragic as the loss of a parent. A new you is born. No, this doesn’t mean you transform and are reborn into a sadder and lesser version of your prior self. You become stronger. Your skin become a little thicker, your mind becomes a little clearer, and you are a better you.
I haven’t quite made it to that point yet, I’m not fully anew. The wound is still too fresh, there is still so much grief but each day I feel the change. Each day I feel a little stronger, a little more accepting of the fact that this is the way life is going to have to be. I’m not saying that means the pain is gone or my longing for him to come back has ended or that I don’t still have “bad” days. I’m saying, it is becoming a part of me. His death is giving me new life, new character. I’m not the same person I was almost 2 months ago. The second that phone rang that day, the world stopped and I changed.