The Things You Wouldn’t Change

Loss is hard. The loss of a parent is hard. There are a lot of different kinds of loss, all hard in different ways. What you don’t realize at the time of a major loss is the impact it will have in every aspect of your life. You don’t just lose that person, you lose a part of yourself. Part of you will never be the same. This is the difficult truth.

I am not the person I was 6 months ago. It would be impossible to pretend like I was still the girl I was back then. When you lose someone, someone who you think the world of, someone who has changed you and influenced you so heavily there is a sadness that accompanies that. Maybe it wasn’t death, maybe the person just drifted away. Losing anyone who has been in your life, has helped you through hard times, has impacted the person you are today is just heartbreaking.

Now, here is the bittersweet part. Imagine you never had the blessing of having the person you lost in your life? What if you never met that person? Would you choose the hurt you’re feeling now over never knowing someone so amazing? Of course you would. You may hurt now, but each person you’ve ever met, each person you’ve ever lost, also left you with something when they went. They gave you memories, love, laughs, and an immense amount of support. There were times where simply their smile alone made your day worth it. I wouldn’t trade a day I was lucky enough to spend with my dad or with anyone I’ve ever lost. Every person I’ve ever had in my life is irreplaceable and will always hold a special part of me. They have made me who I am today and I can’t thank them enough. Despite the pain of these losses, I wouldn’t want to be anyone else.