Hey, you know, maybe you weren’t self sabotaging at all, maybe that gig just wasn’t for you. I’ve been in a similar position before and offered a pretty enticing role — on paper — but, ultimately, it just wasn’t ‘me’. Sure, it was the ‘good job’ that would give me everything I wanted in a material sense, but it just didn’t feel right. So I went with my gut, and I’ve never regretted that. I don’t think you should either.
Where would you be now if you took that gig? Would you be content? Would you have the creative freedom you have now? Would you be the same person, even? Sometimes these things happen for a reason and sometimes you can make that ‘asshole voice’ work for you, rather than against you. For what it’s worth, I think that choice was worth it if it’s made you who you are today.