I knew, 3 weeks ago, that we’d made a mistake. But at that point, there were no take-backs. We’d had unprotected sex, I was not on birth control, and it was near enough to my ovulation time to cause concern.
Not being on birth control was “my fault”. I’ve been sexually active for…15 years. I’d only been on birth control for 2 months of that, and had never been pregnant. I’ve also had less than a handful of partners and thought my “track record” was pretty good. But this day. This time. This mistake.
It’s not that I don’t want to have children, I just don’t KNOW if I want to have children. And if I do, I’m certainly not ready to have them right now. I just started getting my life together. I just started learning who I am, and what my path looks like. No, the path doesn’t always look the way you want it to. But I firmly believe in forging your own destiny.
…And right now, I feel like I’ve lost control of my life. This isn’t who I am. This isn’t the type of thing that could happen to me. I feel ashamed. Embarrassed. Guilty. The thought of getting an abortion feels like cheating.
Tonight, we’ll find out if I’m pregnant, or just late for another reason. And move forward from there.