You Can Do Anything: How I Lost 140 Pounds

I’m a big guy… but, I used to be a really big guy. Like 330–340 pounds big. I’m pretty sure that’s close to what the average gorilla weighs, which is a big Yikes. Thankfully, now I’m not so big. I have lost around 135–140 pounds and completely changed the way I think about and go through life.
Obviously, a lot had to take place for that to happen, and if you don’t want to read beyond this and just wanted to see the amount I lost along with the before/after picture, that’s totally fine, but I 100% believe it will help at least one person overcome something they’re dealing with. I believe that because I read a post like this a few years ago that helped push me over the edge that I mention at the end. This is about more than the number and much more than just losing weight. This is about change and where it comes from.
I’ve started writing this around seven different times, each time not really being comfortable with it or myself enough at the time, and I think a few things held me back from writing it previously:
- Pride — I just didn’t want to be defined by losing a lot of weight, but part of the reason I wanted to lose the weight is because I thought it was beginning to define me. Fun cycle. Also, I was embarrassed of how bad things got that I never really wanted to talk about it. I thought I would do my best to make it a thing that disappeared and was forgotten over time, and I’d never even be the guy up there on the left. Realizing I’m always the guy on the left and being proud of where I came from was essential to moving forward.
- Fear — I’m a dude who always wore T-Shirts to pool parties, did everything I could to stay on the Shirts team when we played pick-up basketball, and genuinely did not get down with lake season. Taking a picture with my shirt off has always been a nightmare, let alone posting one on the never-gonna-forget-anything-about-you-ever Internets. I’ll still have an internal freak out once this goes live, but during this process, I’ve learned that Fear is one of the best things you have at your disposal. I’ll get to that.
- Uncertainty — After letting myself go for awhile, my self-image had shattered. So, I wanted to be sure that I could get to a place where A) I was healthy B) happy and C) consistent with it, knowing full well from previous attempts to lose weight that none of this was guaranteed to stick. Pushing through the uncertainty and thriving in it would have to become habitual.
Ultimately, I overcame all of that recently and began to construct what I think will be helpful, relatable, inspirational, or something-in-between for someone out there either struggling with weight themselves, or another burden that takes time and self-dedication to course correct. This isn’t a weight loss guide… that science hasn’t changed: Eat Less, Move More. This also isn’t a self-congratulatory post. This is about helping anyone I possibly can find what motivates them and what scares them, and how to use that as fuel for what will help change them.
How Did I Get There In The First Place?

When I really think about it, it was the self-belief that I could circumnavigate the traditional pitfalls of obesity and physical laziness that drove me to ignore my issues with weight nearly all my life. I was pretty arrogant about the whole thing… or so I think when I’m being extra hard on myself about it. The reality is, I’m just like most people who have a problem that they don’t think, or want to admit, is a problem.
As life gets increasingly complicated the older we get, it’s easy for us to turn to habits or crutches that make us feel better, or scratch an itch, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Any kind of certainty that we can hold onto will make us feel better about everything that is out of our control. It’s usually in the form of something we enjoy the most while thinking the least about doing it: for me food; for others it could be drugs, sex, alcohol, pursuit of money, social media, or any other number of things. How do we break free from that cycle? Everyone wants to. How do we make that leap towards breaking the loop and moving forward? I can’t guarantee that I have the right answer, but I will tell you what worked for me.
The Descent

I had been tall, pretty athletic, but definitely chubby my whole life. I’ve had stretch marks ever since I remember a kid at one of my very first basketball practices ever asking “what are those?!” and pointing at my pre-teen love handles while I flipped my reversible jersey inside out. Two years later, at another practice on a new team, I was told I looked like the kid from the cartoon Recess. I thought to myself, “TJ? He has red hair, no way.” It took me a couple of years and a dozen other kids referencing Recess for me to get that they were talking about the behemoth, Robert-Goulet singing Mikey. So yeah, I’ve been relatively overly self-aware of my weight issues for a cool 2/3 of my life, but really never chose to do anything about it.
Fast forward to high school, and I was around 6’3 and about 255 lbs going into my senior year. I grew to 6'4 and ended up losing around 40–45 lbs that year, so I graduated a little over 210 after I did Jenny Craig for a few months. That was my first foray into trying to lose weight before I went to college and all hell broke loose in the most literal sense. Alcohol, shitty sleep, shittier food, a lazy attitude, and lack of physical activity put me on the fast track right back to where I was.

Let’s keep moving and get to 2010. Myself, a friend, and my brother started throwing concerts, working with artists, traveling with them and just general entertainment business around the region. I had gotten all the way up to around 270 lbs. by the time we launched that. That’s a point in time where I should have done something about it. Well, I did something about it, but it went in the wrong direction. By 2014, I weighed in between 330–340 lbs on any given day.
What’s funny, or tragic, is that I wasn’t even really motivated then to lose weight, I just knew I should probably chill out because I felt a little bigger than I ever had before, but I had generally accepted what I’d come to see in the mirror everyday. I know many people where this is the case for them. They accept their flaws as cemented character traits that cannot be augmented. Don’t believe that lie.

Before getting to what set the motivation chain of events up, I want to take a moment and make note of some of the observations I made of myself at the time, because I think these are common feelings for most people with this particular issue:
- My self confidence was shot. I’ve always been a confident person, I get it from my parents and I’m grateful for it. But, I can say without a doubt that I’d never felt so low as a son, brother, friend, business partner, significant other, and overall human as I did when I was at my peak worst. I don’t remotely think being overweight = a bad person… I think the decisions and mindset that led to me being fat trickled to all other aspects of my life and poisoned the well.
- I blamed everything else that I could before I took a look in the mirror and realized it was on me to change things and no one else. I consistently made tons of excuses for myself.
- This is the worst part — I had accepted a substandard version of myself, and each day felt like the real me was sinking deeper and deeper away. This led to me second guessing who I really was and how I was presenting myself.
- Excess became a character trait that bled over into many other areas of my life. It was something my life revolved around, so my behavior towards it became my baseline behavior for most everything. More, Bigger, All the way in.
The Catalyst

At about 5:30 in the morning in late January of 2014, after a particularly excess filled night, I was sitting at the kitchen table and got up to get some OJ. I’ll never forget the sound that came out of my mouth when I felt the pain in my back from attempting to stand. It was at a frightening pitch for a man of my size and it most certainly scared my friend’s dog. I sat right back down.
I thought, “What the hell did I do last night?”
Surely this would go away in a day or two, just like any other bump or bruise I’d woken up with before. Nope. Two weeks later, and I hadn’t been going out, hardly slept, and just chronically felt terrible because of my back pain. At this juncture, I figured it would be a good idea to give a chiropractor a shot. So, I set an appointment and went through every ache and pain I had with him. He was nice, attentive and very kind when he said these words to me, “I can help you a lot, but nothing will help you more than if you lose weight”.
Me: “Oh, yeah, I mean I know I’ve gotta lose some for sure”
Him: “Yes, some is good, a lot is ideal. Otherwise your back problems will get worse and that will probably still be the least of your worries”
I was about to be 27 years old and was told that my self-induced back problems were going to get worse because I couldn’t take a damn chill pill instead of diving off the high dive into a pool of pasta, pizza, ice cream, chicken wings, alcohol, and burgers every week. Immediate gratification in excess became the norm and it had put me in a terrible position.
I went home, thought about needing back surgery in five years by 32 and cried. I cried a lot. I started thinking about how I got where I was in the first place and became deeply upset with myself. I was maybe the most scared I’d ever been, because before that, I hadn’t even tried to course correct myself. I accepted that it was just a part of who I was and that I wouldn’t really ever change. Thinking you have no agency over your demons is the biggest misconception we fall for. It took me being literally frightened for my life and the harm I’d already done to it to realize that I could even do anything about it. I had to feel like “If I don’t do this now, I may never do this, and I’ll hate myself forever, or worse, die way too early.”

I began to be a little more vocal about wanting to lose weight and work out. It sure sounded like I had the right intentions. A month later and I was still weighing the same, complaining the same, and making boisterous claims of impending self-improvement. It took my best friend in the world, my number one supporter, my brother, who said as earnestly as he could: “I don’t care what you look like either way, but I think you’d be happier either talking less about doing more, or doing more about what you’re talking about.” I don’t think that was a particular easy thing for him to say to me, but I’m glad he did, because that hit me exactly where it needed to. Get people in your life who will level straight with you.
I drove to my parents house that day, went upstairs, and found a small, old scale that my mother and sister had been using off and on for a few years. They were kind enough to let me have it as I said I needed to borrow it for at least a month. (Spoiler alert: they never got that scale back, but they’re okay with how things turned out). If you’ve been in my situation, then odds are that you haven’t weighed yourself in a long time. I hadn’t. I wasn’t looking forward to it.
Everyone knows you weigh less in the morning, so I wanted to give myself any chance I could and not look until the next day what the damage was. I went to sleep that night vowing to look better and be healthier at 30 than I ever was at 18 or 21. I woke up, saw the number, and I wanted to crawl back in bed and just take it all back. How could I climb Mt. Everest when I was out of breath just from putting my shoes on?

I’m trying to provide enough context to get to what I think is the crux of all this — tapping into what motivates you to change. For me, it was Fear. Fear of failure, fear of hard work, fear of change, fear of stepping out of my comfort zone, fear of explaining to other people what I was doing, fear of learning that I wasn’t strong enough, fear of asking for help or support, and the fear of an early grave. I had to turn every single one of these things around in order to have a chance.
I had to embrace failure as proof that I was trying. I had to learn to love working hard. I had to learn that change just means we’re growing, and without growth, what are we even doing here? I had to step out of my comfort zone to create new ones in more productive areas of my time and focus. I had to learn to be proud of the decisions I was making and exude that when people asked me anything regarding my change in lifestyle. I had to reteach myself that we all start at a weak point before gaining strength, and that this was no different; I needed to endure and trust the plan. I had to get over myself and ask questions that I didn’t know the answers to in order to move further along my path. I had to let my crippling indecision to act be what struck the cord for my fear of an early death, or regretful life, and make a change.
Understanding and accepting all of that the best that I could, I was finally ready to change.
The Process (Trust It)

Now that I was emotionally and mentally motivated to change, the big question was, how in the hell do I do this? As most people feel on the dawn of changing the entire framework of their dietary & exercise habits, I was a little overwhelmed on where to start. How much protein should I eat, how many carbs, how many miles a week do I need to run, what about 10,000 steps, is kale really that great for me, and a hundred other insane things you can ask yourself about this. But guess what? That’s your brain getting in the way, using fear and doubt as red flags or inhibitors of why not to do something. Instead of continually asking where to start, I decided to just start.
I knew I had to begin at the very bottom and treat everything like I had never exercised or dieted. I kept thinking to myself, “crawl before you can walk”. Then, one day, I decided to actually just walk. I walked a mile around my neighborhood, felt winded and called it a day. Instead of having an Icee & Almond Snickers (they are sublime) from 7–11 for my snack that night, I shot for a banana and 2 Halo/Cutie/Clementine/Small delicious oranges. It’s all about choices, and that was my first good day.

I put a handful of those together and started to increase the distance of my neighborhood walk. I had many days where I didn’t want to do anything, or I’d let my emotions dictate what I ate that day and what compromises I’d make with myself, but for that first year, by simply trying and putting together small goals to accomplish… I lost my first 50 pounds. By having a modicum of self-respect, enough at least for me to say “no, I can do this… stay focused on the big picture” on more days than not, I began to make the lifestyle transition I’d been dreaming about and crying for on the inside. I promise that if I can do this, anyone on earth can. Find what works for you, and just do it.
I want to reiterate again that it’s not about the specific diet or exercise plan that I chose, because over the past three years, I’ve tried about 10 different diets and switched up my workout plans a million times. Each time, I try to choose something that suits what I’m capable of and what can challenge me. The specifics do not matter, but what matters is finding what triggers that consistent drive inside you to keep going and to stay focused on your path of change. I “failed” a ton. By failed, I mean I didn’t have days that lined up with my vigilant attempt to be healthy, but by no means was I a failure. Learning to let go of those kinds of regrets and self-doubt has been a key contributor in staying consistent.
Like most people, I’m hard on myself, I demand the best from me in everything I do, so I can beat myself up quite easily. By attempting to improve my health, I was also confronted with more bad habits that I had picked up and felt able to deal with them head on. This came to be a crucial process during the following years in all walks of life for me, from relationships to new work experiences: I learned how to take what was useful from an experience, use it as fuel for progress, and discard the rest.
The Lesson

One of the hardest things in the world that you can do is to take a look at your life, realize what needs to be changed, and actually make the sacrifices to ensure it happens. It’s incredibly easy to get distracted, and it’s equally as hard to buckle down and focus on self-improvement if you’re not truly motivated to do so. I was inspired daily from different friends who bet on themselves to better their situation. If you have tunnel vision to your goals and start focusing on what matters to your growth, then you will find the change that you seek.
Take inventory of your life, assess where you want to grow, plan, and then execute. It’s much easier said than done, but I genuinely think everyone is capable of improving their life on their own terms. It’s important to note that losing all this weight did not solve all my problems. The practical application of identifying a problem, making a plan, staying motivated and following through with it is what solved a multitude of issues I had developed.
If anyone ever wants to talk about any of this, the specifics of what I did, or about their situation… I cannot express enough how much I’m here for you. I’ve been lucky enough to talk to a couple of people already who have been motivated by it, and I’m supercharged by the possibility of being able to help anyone else. If you’ve ever had my cell #, it hasn’t changed since middle school. If you’d like to message me or reach out on Twitter: @GrayEffTee. I’m down to go eat something healthy and talk about it or be a workout buddy if anyone needs it. I’d sincerely like to help out anyone who could use it or provide an encouraging word if that’s all you need.
I’ll never be done with this aspect of my life, and I’ve still got a bit to go, but I also know I’ll never let myself fall like that again. I’ve got plans and I will never get in my own way again.
A few thank you’s to some incredible people who supported me in some way, shape, or form over the past few years: Mom, Dad, Baylor, Greer, Roosh, Dan, Josh, Blev, Christy, Dante, Abbey, Kevin Warren, Scott, Quinn, Dewey, Aunt Debi, Big Chris, Hannah, Emilio, Jeff F., Dex, Eric H., Christina, Dr. Morgan, Sean, Whitney, Keenan, Mike, Trent H., Triple D’s (softball team), and a bunch more. You all saved and changed my life in one way or another.
Extra Stuff

Here are some things I couldn’t have gone without:
— My family: They were amazing. From my brother not caring to how loud my music was when I worked out in the other room to my parents always asking what worked for me best when choosing any dining options together and so many other little things. Seeing my dad make changes within his life in his sixties was all the motivation I needed to keep going. My mother and sister were my biggest supporters, and I already mentioned my brother’s enormous impact; that guy is my rock. While this is something I did myself and for myself, it’s certainly nothing I could’ve ever really done alone. Support systems are utterly crucial; find yours, nourish it, and lean on it.
— Rap music: I needed to escape, boost my confidence, and just power through some stuff that I didn’t think I could handle at the time. I needed to drown out the self-doubting voice in my own head. It was natural for me to turn to hip-hop; being a fan of it nearly my whole life and a big advocate for it in my area. However, the most important thing I got out of it was this: while the French have a ton of ways to say I love you or whatever, rap has about 20,000 ways of saying “I’m a bad motherf*cker and I can do anything”, and I needed that kind of reminder consistently. I mention this to reiterate how important it is to find what motivates you and tap into it over and over, regardless of what it is. I’ll happily provide workout/kick ass playlists all day long to those who need it. For example, click.
— Apple Watch/MyFitnessPal: It doesn’t have to be these two specific things, but anything that helps you keep track of what you’re trying to change is essential. I couldn’t recommend this more for anyone who is going down their own path to lose weight. My buddy Dan mentioned MyFitnessPal in passing one time, and I never looked back from there. If your issue is something else, find ways to track and measure your usage and progress, then you’ll see results. It may not seem like it could be that simple, but if you’re diligent about it and stick to your plan, it really can be that simple.
Other specific motivation that stood out:
- Rick Ross & Gucci Mane: I saw Rick Ross was doing CrossFit a few years ago and called it RossFit. I laughed, and then realized if he can get in shape while simultaneously becoming a rap superstar and Wing Stop Kingpin, I most certainly can give it a go. Find someone in a similar situation to you that is doing something about it, and emulate it in a way that best suits you. And as far as Gucci goes… he had every reason to call it quits and just give in to his situation. He didn’t. He bounced back and I was inspired by it.
- Shia LaBeouf “Just Do It” Video: My friend Scott showed me the video of him yelling “Just Do It” repeatedly, and while I thought it was funny and think he can be quite a jackass sometimes, it very much clicked with me, and I would remind myself to just do it when looking for a reason to stop or give up. This is real. I can’t tell you how many times I was half an hour into cardio and wanted to stop but heard Louis Stevens shouting “JUST DO IT” in my head, so I kept going. It’s weird, but it worked.
- Bill Barnwell: A writer for Grantland at the time and for ESPN currently, Bill wrote about losing 125 pounds in 2015. He articulated much of what I felt at the time and could never explain quite like he did. This is formatted in the same vein of his piece because it impacted me so greatly that I couldn’t avoid it even while trying. I recommend his article if this is a particular thing you’re dealing with… it was everything I had been going through put into words that I couldn’t articulate. It definitively helped shape my mindset, narrow my focus and also made me not feel so isolated in my misery at the time. If you ever read this Bill, you changed my life in a big way and helped me stay focused, so thank you for writing that.
- Ryan Drake: A good friend of mine who wrote a vulnerable post about changing, improving, entering therapy, and moving forward in uncertain times. I thought it took a lot of courage, and ever since I read that, it planted the seed for me to seek the best version of myself and have the courage to change what I don’t like, and to be unapologetic about it. It also helped make my choice to go to therapy an easy decision as well. I highly recommend that for everyone (IT’S AFFORDABLE) and will happily talk about the benefits of it anytime with anyone. I don’t think Ryan knew any of that until just now, but thanks dude.
Neat things I’ve noticed that have changed:
- 42 to 34 waist and down from a 2XXT shirt to XL or L
- I can nearly dunk a basketball. I was never all that close my entire life, even for being relatively tall. Now, I’m close to making all Fatboy Jordan dreams come true everywhere. It will happen.
- My back doesn’t hurt anymore. Not really even at all. I can sort of do Yoga now too, so I went from barely being able to stand out of a chair to doing some rather bendy stuff.
- The last time I weighed this much, I was in middle school entering high school.
- My current weight is closer to the number of pounds I lost than what I used to weigh. That’s kind of crazy.
- My energy, confidence, happiness, and overall self-peace has risen exponentially. I don’t think this is a direct result of weight loss (although, the energy is for sure), I do think seeing the results of planning and hard work was the key contributing factor to all of these facets of my life seeing a boost.
I hope this helps someone, and in case you forgot, you’re a bad motherf*cker and you can do anything.
