Reflection.

Ok, I actually wanted to write something about my summer experiences but let’s delay that because I just found a treasure in my old folders: My teenage fotos!

There was a keyword by a psychologist I know, that got stuck in my head for a time now: “Innen-” und “Außenwirkung”. Translated it means something like inner and outer appeal. How I interpreted these words was by imagining myself how I speak vs. hearing it in real life. Many poeple — myself included — are irritated the first time they hear their own voice. I strongly suspect it’s because of how we perceive ourselves is slightly different from how we are percieved by others. What happens with our voices when we hear them for the first time is — we start hearing ourselves in a way other people would hear us. We reflect on the sound of our own voice. Since until that point we never had a reason to do so, it becomes an new, unusual experience. Our ego starts to notice there is a disconnection between our perception and reality.

I began working with that when I first got interested into voice acting and doing podcasts. After experiencing this phenomenon a view times, I automatially started adapting to the new situation and changing my way to talk, so I’d be satisfied while hearing it. This way of talking became a habit and I somehow feel control over my voice while talking to people. I am also automatically more confindent in talking to crowds, because I know exactly what I’d sound to them. I also know what phonetic changes cause in the listeners ears.

What I believe is, that this structure/disruption can be applied to a lot of things. I noticed, when I started doing more sports, meditating, doing vlogs and changing my habits in general I could train my ability to notice the cause-and-effect chain in my own character/presonality developement as well as in my body developement (which is most evident with diets and sports).

In my teenage time my inner and outer perception was completely disrupted, which reflected in the weird poses and unbelievable faces I did back than. Also I have a different memory of myself and my “inner life” than the photographies show. Now, that I’d look at them from another angle, the reactions and effects from other people become more plausible and even predictable.

I don’t judge my young self, since puberty is a legit word, for discribing the growing process of this period. But I think even grown ups and elders are sometimes missing out on reflection and with time the perception of outer (how you want to act) and inner (how you are actually acting) “life” becomes disturbed again and again. One needs to remind oneself of these things more often! There is always room for developement and points to work on.

I should never forget that and I hope to come back to this post, the next time someone misunderstands my actions. Enjoy the remaining summerdays, everyone!

Bye, don’t cry, Ana ❤