Dear mr man who thinks he’s better than us because he has excess skin between his legs

I’m not a fanatic feminist. I believe men and women are equal as human beings; I also believe in men’s chivalry and that not all men are pieces of crap. I don’t believe that language is sexist and I don’t chase with a bat every man who gives me a compliment on my appearance.

But here’s what I need to understand, mr man;

Women in this Olympics were called :”the wife of…the student of…” and body shamed for their appearance.

Why a woman can’t have just her own success? Why does it have to come from a supporting father, an amazing trainer or a successful husband?

Otherwise it is just a miracle! A sorcery! that a woman could even get up from her bending over, all on 4, position, without any help! Which is surprisingly amazing!

I’m, as a women, find it very troubling because as I’m writing this I’m on my knees and hands.

You know, fulfilling my female existence.

Don’t get me wrong, Im not complaining, it is how God shaped our bodies to be. This is how God intended. This is why women’s knees are X shaped compare to men’s knees which are parallel, so we can bend over easily. It is really just evolution.

When you celebrates your accomplishment, do anyone talk about your loving mom who had to stretch her vagina so she could push out your melon head? Because this is worth mentioning. If, like my mom, she had to go through c-section, then she really had it the easy way. You know, with the cutting you open and the long healing and deep scar that parts fat and a lot of men like you find -not ideal-.

Do anyone mention a beloved female teacher who pushed an Olympian towards goal achieving skills?

About a supportive wife who powder his ass daily when he comes home?

No. Good, they shouldn’t.

Would you like me to say that you owe your gold medals to my vagina? I guess not. My vagina, as lovely as it is, had nothing to do with your achievements.

So how, in God’s name, are my achievements bounded to your sweaty ass balls sack?

How, in any way, was your penis helpful with building the foundation of my professional skills and abillities?

Because, as far as I know, two grapes and a sausage are the only things that set the difference between us.

Well, I don’t know. I just want to bend over, my brain can’t think straight. It’s very hard these days, now that we are allowed to read books and stuff. It really confuses us, all the letters.

But this is why I started this letter, forgive me- I tend to get sidetracked with my woman’s brain:

People who talk about how a woman in the Olympics have great male trainers or husbands and how they should and shouldn’t look.

It is true though. They got it right.

How come woman’s appearance has anything to do with her biceps or how long and fast she can run or paddle? I don’t know. But it does make sense- since my eyebrows are aesthetically too wide I cannot throw a ball.

And since her jaw doesn’t aline with the space between her eyes, her legs don’t move fast enough.

It’s probably because we are on our periods and loaded with hormones, or maybe because our brains (and gravity) just keep pushing us towards the floor, on our knees, because this is our normal nature.

This is why we suck so much at doing anything else that doesn’t involve sex positions and butt floss.

dont get confused mr skin, you know what butt floss is. You have seen it plenty of times on these web sites. You know…the one with the nipples everywhere.

Butt floss is a very narrow piece of fabric that gets clinched between two glutes. It serves us no purpose but the joy of a never ending wedgie.

Can you answer it though, mr man? Can you explain why, in a competition that tests physical abilities, you decide to grade the contestant’s face instead of results?

Maybe you could answer my womeny stupid question, and I say stupid because obviously no men helped me think of it. I know I should get help but my husband is at work. He’s busy making money so he can buy me more butt floss in various colors. (Is womeny even a word? Ha. Silly me.)

In this society, all you need to do is look down your pants to know how the world works and how your paycheck is going to look like.

That’s why all of us, women, are penis envy. You understand, mr sack, we don’t have that stick that you have. That magic stick that gives us raises, security and the privilege of not getting raped and harassed.

No promotion in my underpants!

Instead we have a clean cut flower that can push life out of it. Shame.

It is weird to me how almost none of us add a banana to our panties while more of you tuck your dicks between your legs.

Maybe you came to realize that vaginas rule? Or maybe just came? Of course you did, you are still thinking about that time I said “nipples everywhere”. Silly you.

See?! This is exactly why we are so jealous of you! We don’t have cumulates that shoot white stinky stuff that smell like fresh grass after rain. Which is why i want to hurl every winter. It’s hurl of respect though. Word.

To sum things up, I do wish for you to know how grateful we are for your help. Although jealous, without penises like yours, mr sticky skin, many girls in the Olympics wouldn’t be able to get up from the floor and find their way to success!

And since we owe our achievements to you, we will make sure to shove our trophies deep up your ass, to show you our warm appreciation, as we couldn’t have done this without your penis. 🏆

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to bending over.