Yeah, I get this way usually when I set out to do a simple task like make coffee and it spirals into a whole rube goldberg machine of having to do three or four other things just to even get to start the original thing. The other day I woke up, went to the kitchen straight for the coffee steamer, one of these things:
And, no big deal, it wasn’t cleaned from the day before (it usually isn’t) so I unscrew the top and proceed to spill what was left over from yesterday’s coffee on me and the floor. Great! So I search for the mop. It isn’t in the usual 2 or 3 places that it ends up in so I look in every room and closet. Nowhere to be found so I decide to go look for it out on the back porch but now I have to search for the backdoor key which isn’t in the door knob as usual and not on the hook next to the door. WHAT THE HELL?!?! I finally find it in a cup where I keep pens and paperclips while trying to remember how the hell it got there all the while thinking why don’t I just make the coffee first and look for the mop while it’s brewing, but I don’t, I go to the back porch and find the mop. It is near the utility sink so while I am there I decide to try to dab some water on the coffee stain on my shirt so that it doesn’t set and I can never wear this shirt outside of the house again. There is a hose attached to the faucet so I attempt to unscrew it, but apparently it hasn’t been unscrewed since the Apollo moon landings because it is fused tight. So I grab the hose and start pulling it looking for the end, it must be a twenty foot length of hose. It suddenly stops and won’t budge so I go around the corner of the house looking for what it is caught on all the time cursing a blue streak. It has become entangled under a pile of tree branches that the owner of the house had trimmed a few days ago. I lift up branches throwing them every which way to get them out of the way of the hose while trying to figure out how the FUCK did it get this tangled up. I finally get it free and find the end of the hose. I now have to restack the tree limbs so as not to piss off the landlord. When finished I go back to the faucet and turn the spigot for water. NOTHING!! No water, not even a drip. This is a frequent occurrence in Honduras where the water is just shut off inexplicably. So fuck it!! I throw the hose down grab the mop and head to the kitchen. Luckily there is purified water in 5 gallon bottles for drinking so I can still make my coffee. I mop up the spilled coffee, return to the coffee pot and use purified water to wash the old grounds off of it. I find the little coffee grinder and shake beans into it, plug it in, press down the top: NOTHING!! In the time that I was looking for the mop, the electricity had been cut off, another frequent occurrence in Honduras. Luckily I am alone because anybody that would have heard the tyriad I went on would have been justified in calling the proper authorities and have me hauled away to the nearest Psych Hospital.