Funny stuff, but hooo-boy are you gonna get hate mail from the knuckleheads.

Red alert, shields up, brace for impact, baton down the hatches, duck & cover, lock your doors, hide yo kids — hide yo wife, gird your loins, buckle up, just say “no” to drugs, keep calm and carry on, stockpile canned goods, wipe front to back, abandon ship, get out of Dodge, roll out the red carpet, amscray, reverse the polarity.

Pop some popcorn and pull up a hand-crafted, Amish rocking chair.