July #AskGretchen: Boyfriend Always on Cell, Alcoholic Meltdown, and the Cheating Boss
Dear Gretchen: My boyfriend is constantly on his cell phone when we are together, even when we are watching a movie or lying in bed! I want him to put it down and be attentive to me. It is getting in the way of our relationship and I feel like I don’t matter. What is the best way to bring this up to him? — Disconnected in Indianapolis, IN
Dear Disconnected: This is a problem that so many people face today. It can be so hard to put that cell phone down! I encourage you to tell your boyfriend directly that you would like more of his undivided attention. Let him know that you feel unseen when he is distracted on his cell phone. Ask him if the two of you can agree to having some “non-technology” time each day so that you can connect. Start with meal times and the bedroom and see if it is doable for each of you. If you find that he is struggling, you can kindly request in the moment that he puts the phone away to be present with you. While any change in behavior takes time, it starts with a willingness to be different. Start with a conversation and see where it takes you. — Gretchen
Dear Gretchen: My wife is an alcoholic. At the 4th of July BBQ we attended, she got so smashed, she fell into the pool fully clothed. The hosts were gracious and played it off, but I was embarrassed and angry. When I bring it up to her she tells me I am uptight. Maybe I am. What do I do to save my marriage? — Hungover in Covington, KY
Dear Hungover: Dealing with the effects of someone else’s drinking can not only be painful but also confusing. Oftentimes the very people who love alcoholics have erratic thinking and behaviors in response to trying to control the other person’s behavior and drinking. There are many good support groups that can provide understanding, tools, help and hope to help you deal with alcoholism. Al-Anon is the widest known and can offer you support. — Gretchen
Dear Gretchen: I was recently at an offsite event with the CEO of my company. He and I do not work closely together but had several group dinners while on the trip. His wife is my boss and she is an on-point, hardworking, kind, smart woman. While I was gone, I think her husband slept with my co-worker. While I didn’t see them in the act, I did see him go into her room and she commented on it to me the next day (and alluded to the fact that they had slept together). Do I tell my boss? — Confused in Spokane, WA
Dear Confused: What an uncomfortable situation. I am sorry that you had to experience that. My best advice to you is to stay out of it. You do not need to be the messenger that brings this news to your boss or to anyone else. Whatever the CEO’s wife is supposed to find out, trust that she will, but not from you. Getting in the middle of someone else’s drama almost always backfires even on those who have good intentions. — Gretchen
