Afraid

It sounds ridiculous but I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of these thoughts swirling in my head, these ambitious and lofty dreams that are barricaded by the paralyzing feeling of fear. The fear that l’ll be a non-starter the minute I put my foot in the water.

I’m fighting the depression that comes after over thinking and the self doubt that drains me of all confidence. I’m tired of coming up against this wall of convenient excuses that has me trailing along its side, shading me from scaling into the unknown.

I thought I was familiar with failure enough to nudge it aside. Now I see truth, failure has never been familiar I’ve just started getting scared of falling and getting up again. Failure keeps telling me to stay down and give up. To throw in the towel and accept that my self doubts are valid.

I have a fight on my hands, a battle I keep on fighting but barely landing enough of a blow to create an opening. It’s time to change that. It’s time to dance out of the corner and put both hands up.

It’s now or never.