Conversations I’d want to have with my Guys.
I’ve always had the mind to have an honest discussion with my close male friends about their egos; how does it reflect in the decisions they make? Have we fully taken up the habits and features of our father’s while actively trying to ignore how far changed the world around us is compared to how our parents used to live.
I’m trying to evaluate how most guys I know handle rejection. How they put themselves forward once a woman clearly shows her disinterest in furthering the discussion or defining their relationship beyond a certain limit. Smooth talker or not, we all get rejected one day. Acting out because of a wounded ego is in very clear definition a sign of immaturity.
I look around the guys i consider to be in the same social sphere as I am and wonder if they truly understand personal space and can by themselves limit their intrusions to unobtrusive gestures. I wonder if they realize that how uncomfortable it gets for(women especially) people when they are touched/grabbed/held without seeking permission.
A lot of men I know find themselves barely grasping at the true meaning of what it is to be a man in today’s society. For as far back as I can remember men have largely had a free hand in maintaining conduct, decorum and a general sense of what is deemed acceptable. The conservatism we have long held on to (despite being western influenced) have come to define the mainstream of Nigerian society via religious piousness and moral conduct. This hasn’t dissuaded many men from seeking out avenues to act out or express their deepest basic desires.
On the other hand women have had numerous restrictions placed on them, leaving them to be described as little more than properties or at best helpers. Most men I know find it rather difficult to consider a woman equal to themselves. Which brings the matter at hand to the fore; do most men truly understand what being a feminist is or they simply see feminism as the party pooper, that thing-obstruction-which intends to change the status quo, which is to stop them from getting away with uncountable improper conducts and despicable acts.
Being a feminist as a man doesn’t mean you are weak or effeminate. It simply means you recognize that the rights and privileges afforded a man should be the same for a woman and vice versa. It takes nothing away from men.
As for the traditionalists who hold on to scriptural teachings and verses, it always is interesting how selective they are, considering how well populated the same bible is with women who brilliantly standout , either on their own, or beside their men without being depicted as weaker or being submissive.
What exactly is submission to a man? Can we say submission is the all important factor? what about respect?How do we have so many unfaithful men today yet still require wives/spouses to submit to their husbands? Then the cycle is repeated all over again as mothers raise entitled sons who are barely emotionally equipped and submissive daughters who are being taught to take any amount of BS a man throws at her.
I really want to have these conversations with a lot of the men I know, so that I can truly understand what their true beliefs and motivations are. A lot of the time I come to a realization that I haven’t truly tried to hear out the views of the guys I call friend (okay maybe I have heard from a couple). I guess I can no longer avoid it now.
