On Emotions: Guilt, Anger, and Resentment
Guilt seems to permeate my whole project/being, and I do not know what to do with it because I consume bourgie food. However, I am also very much reluctant to let go of this privilege. That’s why when I learned that, “Guilt and defensiveness are bricks in a wall against which we all flounder; they serve none of our futures.” [Lorde 1984, pg. 124]
It was like a ton of bricks came crashing down on me. I never thought that guilt had no uses. That it was in fact guilt and my defensiveness of my privilege, which was stopping me from acting or looking at myself and my work critically.
As for anger and resentment, I believe these two emotions are something which I did not get to explore properly. I realize now, when I look at the project and the things that I wrote, never wrote or left out, that I am angry and resentful. At myself, and others. But, probably, since anger is an emotion to be ashamed of, to be suppressed and put aside in order to have a ‘civil’ discussion, I did not once think that I could be either angry or resentful (because that just conjures up an image of being spiteful, which the complete opposite of nice-a.k.a me).