How to Attend a High School Reunion in 2017

Why attend a high school reunion nowadays? You still talk to the people from high school that you’d want to see. Facebook tells you everything you need to know about your old classmates. High school wasn’t a big deal for you, and frankly, you “just don’t want to go.”

Those are valid thoughts. High school reunions are a little outdated now. Reunions made more sense when the internet wasn’t a crutch, and classmates followed a more similar and uniform path in the past rather than the infinite career and family options we have now.

Yet, here we are. Tradition continues, and your reunion is near. Because of this, I’ve made a list of potential Do’s and Don’ts to help you attend your high school reunion with ease.

****DISCLAIMER: I have never been to a high school reunion & therefore have no basis to offer instructions****

  1. Do your research with the all-powerful internet. Find out who is going, how many are going, and what it would say about you if you go. I don’t know why. It’s just how people attend parties now.
  2. When you arrive, walk straight to the bar. Order a drink, and pull out your phone, because you just got an “important text.” Wait for Ross Petrov to shout your name. “Nish-kapeeesshh!!”
  3. Don’t let every friendly conversation lead to exchanging numbers no matter how bad “you’ve got to get together sometime!” However, If you can’t help yourself, two phone numbers, tops.
  4. Life is not a competition. But nobody knows that. So, by default, it is a competition. Act accordingly.
  5. You’re not lying. You’re just a good storyteller.
  6. Bring up politics — state your extreme opinion and immediately proceed to walk away from your classmate and stand in the corner for a timeout because you shouldn’t have brought up politics in the first place. (I know, you can’t resist that sweet nectar that controversy effuses from your vocal chords.)
  7. Laugh with your old locker neighbor on how Facebook and Instagram only shares the good things. “Life isn’t really like that!” “I know, right?!”
  8. When the slideshow of old high school photos starts repeating itself after 10 minutes, blame the iPhone and the selfie for not existing back then.
  9. Practice your “God we are so old” and “Wow time went by so fast” in the mirror. You’ll want to sound as sincere as possible. (It’s okay if it doesn’t).
  10. Suddenly standing alone for over 30 seconds? Head to the bar. I think you just got an urgent text, too.
  11. When you see someone that you drifted apart from, start humming “Bad Blood” by Taylor Swift loud enough so everyone knows you’re having a spiritual, coming-of-age montage in your head.
  12. When you’re staring at someone that looks like an old classmate trying to figure out who they are, remember you’re that person staring and others can see you, and that someone else is also staring at you trying to figure out who you are.
  13. When you see Becky with the good hair, don’t go up to him or her. Let them come up to you. The goal is that they expect you to approach them and you avoid each other completely.
  14. Stick to the other 3 people you knew were coming and don’t leave them the entire night. Try not to look around either. I think you just got a text.
  15. Take a tally on the number of good things and bad things you say about your classmates in your head. Based on the results, go home and evaluate yourself as a human being.

I hope this helps you attend the 2017-Era high school reunion. To conclude, just for kicks, here are some complete nonsensical reminders when attending your high school reunion.

  1. Don’t take it too seriously.
  2. It’s one night. You have an opportunity to see people that shaped you during a crucial time in your youth whether you enjoyed it at the time or not. Take advantage of the moment. And when you go home, reflect on where you’ve been, where you were, and where you’re going.
  3. Give yourself the grace not to compare people, judge people, or wish for something that someone else has.
  4. You look fine.
  5. “Winning” doesn’t exist, but I think the closest you get to it is by showing up, and I don’t just mean for the reunion. Use it or lose it.

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I’m confident that you will do what you want. However, I hope you don’t let the discomfort or an awkward first few minutes entering the reunion venue deter you from a night out with people who remember you, maybe have known you for half of your life, and still Facebook stalk you often.

It was some great days to be a Sabre.

P.S. Let me know if you have any advice, tips, or interesting tidbits to attend a high school reunion these days!