Generational Trauma: Why Making Money Hurts
The generational struggle of making more money.
Investing, savings, assets, depreciation.
All of these terms are things that I’ve learned via YouTube University. Growing up, my grandfather ran a small bodega in our community. After his passing, my father took it over. I would spend my summer nights eating zebra cakes and playing with our bodega cats.
My family never had a lot of money. I grew up in an area that was subject to gang violence. The bodega always seemed to make just enough. My father didn’t go to college so the only way he could really make anything was by taking over the business. The bodega was located in what would be considered a “less than safe” area.
On the other hand, my mother (who is almost 42) didn’t graduate from high school. She had to drop out after I was born and was eventually able to get her GED years later. She currently makes her income by working for Uber Eats on her bike.
After graduating high school, I couldn’t help but wonder, why is money such a hush-hush topic? I didn’t learn about my family’s income until I had to apply for the FAFSA. Then I realized somewhere between low-income and middle income, there is a transition that happens. Money suddenly becomes a tool to help rather than something that hinders you. So, why is it that even as I use the money to my advantage (investing, buying assets, “good debt,” etc.), I still feel sick every time I need to pay rent?
Generational trauma, right.
It’s something that you won’t often hear come out of your parent’s mouths.
This is a multi-part series, so I won’t try to convince you I’m going to solve a worldwide problem. But I hope these suggestions can help aid some of the tension you may feel.
1. Talk to the generation before you.
There was a moment in the summer when I talked with my mom about money. As a filmmaker, I’ve been fortunate to carve a lane for myself that makes me a decent income. I definitely still don’t understand money as well as I could, but when talking with my mother, I learned a lot about how bad she can be with money. Not because she wants to be, but because she just never learned what to do.
My father is in a similar position. He had some money deposited in a Roth IRA about 4 years ago but never actually invested that money. Had he purchased almost any tech stock, he would have had some major returns by now. In the past year, I’ve helped him bring in a 50% return.
I say all of this because it is important to understand the damages that have been done. If you are able to understand what mistakes your family made with money and the decisions that caused them, then you may be able to find ways to better your money habits.
2. Do something positive (for free).
Now, I’m not saying spend an entire month doing free things. I can’t afford that.
Sure, holding the door open for someone is nice. But let me open your mind to something else.
If you are creative, I’d strongly encourage you to offer a service to someone for free one day. Maybe you give a local, independent artist a free photo session, or help design a new menu for the mom-and-pop restaurant that seems very out of date. There are many reasons why this is beneficial but the main one is that good energy comes back to you, and it spreads.
Your positive action will impact someone, maybe someone else who is also pinned down by this generational trauma. The world operates in a cycle; if you are the start of something good, it will come back to you.
3. Give back to your community.
Giving back to the community can work wonders. There’s a nonprofit for students in my high school where I began my film career. I no longer live in the area but in whatever way possible, I try to give back to the nonprofit via donations or by serving as a mentor for their mentor-mentee program.
If you are not in the position to give back to your community, any type of work that involves giving back can work. I would recommend finding a nonprofit or any organization that you can have a physical connection with though.
4. Become Financially Literate.
Who is and who is not financially literate?
Well, let’s say Doug has $500 after paying his rent for the month. If Doug goes out partying three nights in a row and spends $448, and then spends the rest on take-out, Doug may not be financially literate.
On the other hand, let’s say Natalie has $400. She sets aside $200 to invest in her Roth IRA. Meanwhile, she sets aside $100 to go out that weekend and $100 for her saving accounts. In this case, Natalie is more financially literate than Doug.
However, if Natalie has $40,000 in student loans and Doug went to a trade school and has $0 in debt, then Doug is technically still winning.
The point is financial literacy doesn’t start in one place. Many argue that you should embrace the now and spend as you see fit, which is valid as well.
There will be many more articles about this, but my first suggestion is to start tracking your spending. Every month, either with a piece of paper (this is impossible for me) or with an app, take note of where and how you spend your money. You’ll want to do this for 2–3 months to get an idea of how you are spending. You can start to make changes as soon as month one, but I didn’t start to see progress until three months in.
I personally use TrueBill, but all the apps are similar.
—
With this being part one of a multi-part series, I hope these insights can help give some direction for now.
Money is something that I almost immediately feel a survivor’s guilt for having. Having expendable income when I know that in my home country (Dominican Republic), I have family members that can only afford one meal a day weighs heavily on me.
At 24, however, there’s only so much I can do. I’ve had to tell myself that often lately.
