A Safe Space to Cry
It can be uncomfortable to cry in front of people. Even at a funeral where it is socially acceptable to bawl your eyes out, I was aware of everyone watching me. Men have even more of a social stigma over crying. This is not right, but it isn’t easy changing people’s perceptions. So, instead, we need to focus on self-care.
There is also a stigma concerning the length of grieving. This is more of an unwritten rule that I encountered in my own grief healing process. Many people in my circle seemed to think that I should have gotten over my mother’s death a lot faster than I did. I heard some quiet comments and remarks. Other times I could sense it based on their facial expressions and other forms of body language. When you are being judged for still grieving, the last thing you feel comfortable doing is crying.
However, crying is a natural part of the grieving process. Crying is healthy and healing. It is important to find ways to make yourself comfortable with releasing your emotions. I know I have written this in many articles, but it is cathartic to cry. If I allow the emotions to move through me and honor them then I actually get through the sadness faster than if I am trying to suppress it or hold it back.
Based on my own experience, here are 4 ways to make a safe space to cry.
1. Crying in the Shower
While not in public, crying in the shower is therapeutic. The water is cleansing. The water flows down the body along with your tears. There is something about the cascade of water from the shower that can also help with the release of emotions. I find it very natural to cry in the shower. The best part of crying in the shower? Afterward, you can feel both physically and emotionally cleansed. You might not feel happiness, but after a good cry, there is always a sense of peace. This peace, for however long it lasts, can help you get through the next steps of your day.
2. Listening to Sad Music
Sometimes friends, family, and even your spouse might not understand why you are crying. There are times when I just don’t want to take the time to explain it to them. Putting on sad music and then letting yourself cry makes it socially acceptable. If people think you’re crying because of the music then they typically won’t bother you with questions. For this safe space, the music lyrics do not necessarily have to be sad. I have found that a lot of classical music hits me as sad as well. Our bodies feel the tone and vibration of the music and respond to them as well. If you feel like you need a good cry and can’t seem to let it out then try putting on some sad music to help you with the emotional release.
3. Watching a Sad Movie
Just like with listening to sad music, watching a sad movie can work in the same way by giving you another reason to cry. While I know people have TVs in different rooms of their houses, mine is in my living room. It can be quite common to have the TV in a very open area. When I am watching TV or a movie everyone will not only hear the TV, but most can see me as well. Watching a sad movie can alert everyone that I need to cry. It is perfectly acceptable to make some popcorn and grab some M&Ms and snack in the middle of your tears too.
4. Out in Nature
If you live on some acreage or close to the wilderness, then going out in nature can be another safe space to cry. Perhaps take a short drive into the forest or go on a hike into the mountains. I find laying in the grass or with my back against the tree can help me feel grounded. Laying on your stomach in the grass and crying into the ground can muffle the sound of your sobs even more. When we are experiencing intense emotions then we often feel unbalanced. Being in nature can help with that. It is also a great place to cry without everyone hearing or seeing you. A dog, a cow, or a horse may be watching, but they won’t tell anyone. The dog may even lick your face and try to cheer you up!
Additional Help
If you are interested in learning more about crying and how to be understanding and compassionate with someone who is crying, then I recommend reading The Crying Handbook by Bob Baugher and Darcie Sims. It is a short book that many may find helpful.
Bob Baugher is a Psychology Instructor and Death Educator at Highline Community College in Des Moines, Washington. Darcie Sims is an internationally known speaker, presenter, and author on grief and grief management.
