Just Click “Publish”

These days maybe it’s just better if I start typing first and think later. I scroll through old drafts, wondering if I’ll ever “feel” like finishing them, always finding some excuse why they aren’t worth continuing. “Just finish something, anything,” I beg myself.

Consistency. My friend says this is the key to “building an audience.” But can I even admit to myself that’s what I want to do? Of course I want to people to read my work, but I also shy away from sharing it on my social networks where people know me from real life because… well do I really want them to know me that well? Sure I write under my own name, but that doesn’t mean I want my colleagues to read my fiction and poetry. Not really. Maybe I should just photocopy my journal and pass it around to all my friends. More than anything, it’s just that I’d rather think, “nobody saw it,” than “nobody liked it.”

Fear. It’s killing me. It’s always there, haunting my every move. Fear of failure, fear of receiving confirmation that I’m not that fucking great after all. And I promised myself I wouldn’t let it. For work I had to make myself a new rule, say “yes” to every gig you are available to do. If it scares you, say “yes” for sure. It think it’s time for a new Medium rule.

Just click “Publish.”