Lion’s Gate Portal 8.8.17
There’s a really strong theme at the moment of feeling this urgency. Like there’s so much to get done, so many things you need to do and achieve and a to-do list that is never ending. But then when you try to get anything done it’s like this real block has been placed upon you and you can’t seem to get anything together or actually move forward on anything you’re trying to achieve. It’s a real paradox that is leaving many people feeling restless and frustrated.
You don’t need to get anywhere. You don’t need to reach that new level. You can settle into the knowing that you’re already at that level. It is coming to you. You are attaining it in your own perfect timing. And the reason it feels so restless and frustrating is because you’ve reached this new level and need to re-learn how to exist there. But as soon as you start to do that, you reach a new level. Which means you’re in this constant state of flux. It’s good flux though. It’s growth, it’s change, it’s truly embodying more of what you are here to embody. But it feels really ick to our human in the phases of movement. It’s hard to adjust. It’s hard to assimilate. It’s hard to settle in. And then as soon as you manage to, off again we go moving into a new energetic space.
So get comfortable in the unsure. Get comfortable in the discomfort. Find what comfort you can. Take care of yourself in any way that feels right. Even if what you are feeling feels right, doesn’t make sense in your head to feel right. If it’s eating junk food, or having a drink or smoke or going somewhere that normally doesn’t make you feel that good. If it’s not getting out of bed all day or staying up all night. If it’s not doing the work that’s piling up or if it’s taking a day off your muggle job to explore a creative endeavor. Whatever it is, if it’s calling you then do it. We can no longer operate from the space of what is traditionally “good” or “bad” for us. Especially when it comes to the spiritual community’s harsh rules about what is good for a spiritual person and what is not. “Don’t eat meat, don’t drink alcohol, don’t associate with people who have a “negative” vibe, don’t do this and don’t do that” — there’s so many rules around what we can and cannot do and i think everybody should say fuck that to all those rules, and to anyone who tells you that you have to play by those rules. Our bodies have upgraded. Things that were once had an ill effect on us may not do that at all and things that once felt great might be really harsh now. You don’t have all the info that Source has because we’re only given as much as we need at any one time. So if your intuition is telling you to do something that you once would have classified as not good for you, and yet no matter how much you justify that, the desire still gets stronger- just do it. Listen to yourself instead of to what you’ve been told. You’re here with a very specific purpose and mission, and just because something does or does not work for someone else, does not mean it will be the same for you. You are the authority on you. You know what you do and do not need. So look to yourself for the answers. Often we’re lead to places or things that seem like they will not be conducive to our growth, but if we listen to the nudges, we realise in the end there was a much bigger plan. You’re craving ice cream but you know often sugar doesn’t do so well for you. But it’s so strong that you just have to go to the ice cream shop and when you’re there you meet XYZ or have XYZ experience. You have to trust that your inner compass is stronger than any information we have been operating from about what is good and what is bad. Strike those words from your vocabulary when it comes to describing what you do and don’t want to do. I’ll say it again, you are the authority. You are the only authority on you. Stop listening to what anyone else says. And if everything i’ve said here sounds totally bogus, don’t listen to me either! You are the authority on you. **disclaimer- obviously if you have an addiction or allergy or something you know really really is a very bad decision for you — don’t do that. I’m talking more about using your discernment to follow what your intuition is telling you. I’m not advocating bad habits for bad habits sake — just saying if your intuition is telling you to do something out of the ordinary that doesn’t make total sense, consider listening before you dismiss it**
I want to give you guys an example. And i’m even going to add in photographic evidence because it will totally enhance this story haha. When i was around 17–21 i used to fake tan something chronic. My best friend lived across the road and had a spray tan machine and we used to tan each other to the absolute darkest shade or orange that was humanly possible. It was our thing. I loved it, i couldn’t get dark enough.
When i was 21 i met my daughter’s father. And he told me that he loved my skin the way that it was naturally and that he thought i should stop with all that i added on to my appearance. No one had ever said that me and because he’d filled me with so much love, it meant for the first time i felt like i did want to stop. So i totally went cold turkey on the tan. And over the years we were together, especially after the birth of my daughter, my appearance did become a lot more natural. Especially as i got really serious on my “spiritual path”. I got dreadlocks, i didn’t wear a bra, i didn’t wear much make up, i stopped shaving my arm pits. Not all at once, but i experimented with different things over time. Which was great. I learnt a lot about myself in that time. I really explored what about the way i liked to present myself was because i genuinely liked it, and what was because i had been socially conditioned to think that was beautiful and acceptable. As i progressed on this “spiritual path” i discovered that lots of those things i was doing where just as much to appease a social expectation of me, albeit a different one. I felt like if i were to present myself as the person i was, who was into all the things i was into (namely deep personal development) then i had to be comfortable in my own skin. And i thought the way to do that was to be natural. As in, not altering my appearance from the way it naturally occurred.
Though through all this i still hadn’t managed to cultivate a real, true, deep sense of self love. I still didn’t feel all that comfortable in that skin, even though i was really trying. And it was because i was still doing it in the way that society had told me i was meant to. It was the opposite of the first way i tried, which was being as fake as i could. But then being as natural as i could still didn’t make me feel any better about myself. In some ways, it made me feel worse, because i was doing all the “right” things, and still hadn’t attained that self love.
Over the last year i worked more on cultivating self love for myself in ways that had nothing to do with my appearance. I’ve worked really hard on clearing out all inside of me that isn’t actually me. And i’ve done a lot of deep excavating of the darkest parts of me. And as i brought them up and integrated them, i realised one day that the worry about my appearance was no longer so strong. I’d just been doing my thing without thinking about it so much and found i was somewhere between the two extremes i’d previously explored. Over the past few months i started wearing make up every day again. And it felt great. I remembered why i love make up so much. Then last week i decided to fake tan for my friend’s (the one i mentioned before who used to tan me) birthday. And within an hour of having the tan on my skin, i felt like me again. I suddenly remembered what i loved about tanning. And because now i wasn’t using it to make myself feel better, i was suddenly incredibly empowered. That’s right, fake tan empowered me!!
Lots of people still don’t believe that is possible. And when i described that, i was challenged as to whether i really do love myself now, or if i am still just trying to change my appearance to feel better about myself. Like really challenged. As though me saying that triggered a lot in people and they did not believe that anyone who wants to dress up, or wear make up or dye their hair or fake tan or wear short dresses (or freaking anything!!) could really love themselves the way they are.
The reality is that when i used to tan when i was younger, i was trying to fit in. I was trying to hide the fact from myself that i really was not happy in my own skin. I was changing myself because i didn’t feel the way that i was naturally was good enough..
The reality now is that i no longer feel that way about myself. I am perfectly happy with my super pale skin. I happily walk around now or go to the beach (which i literally never did — 10% because i didn’t really like the beach, but 90% because i didn’t like the way my body looked ESPECIALLY when it was white) or wear no makeup, and don’t feel bad about myself. HOWEVER, i also still really like to wear make up and fake tan and bleach my hair and dress up. Some days. Other days i don’t. And that is totally 100% sweet. Because none of those things are actually me. I’m in this body right now as Hannah Wilson. And i love this body and all it allows me to do and be. And i respect everything it does for me. It’s my earth vehicle and it’s my favourite one!! But this earth vehicle is not me. I am so much more than this. I am limitless and can not be defined or confined within a physical human body. Which is why i call bullshit on the idea that wanting to adorn or change or do up the human body you’re in, means that you don’t love or accept yourself. I freakin love and accept myself beyond measure. I have realised and embraced the knowing that i am a powerful creatress who works with pure source energy to effect change and do the work i was born here to do. I accept the truly limitless nature of my power. And i accept that all of that, has nothing to do with the way i choose to present my earth vehicle to the world. Because all that is only enhanced when i feel good in the way i present to the world. And right now for me, that’s with my blonde and pink hair and my deliciously orange tan. Next year it may be something totally different. My image is constantly changing. And for so many years i allowed others to tell me it’s because i’m not happy with who i am. And now i’ve come to realise it’s because i am happy enough with who i am to acknowledge that i like change. I like when things are kept interesting. I rearrange the furniture in my house all the time. I move house every 6 months to a year. I shop in different places every time we get groceries. I like change, i’m super comfortable with it and i thrive in it. So why would i not let that extend to my appearance?
Don’t get me wrong, i still have days where i don’t feel good in my skin. Bad hair days, bad skin days, fat days etc. But they don’t define me . Just like i have days where i am angry or frustrated or upset, but they don’t define me. They’re emotions and feelings that i experience as they come and then allow them to pass. They’re a part of my jounrye but they aren’t me.
So, my point with all of that is. FUCK what everyone else wants to tell you about what is and is not good for you. Because they don’t know shit. Other than what relates to themselves. But they are a different person to you. So despite everyone’s best intentions of telling you how they think it is, you do not have to take any of it on board if it does not apply to you. Be gracious and accept that they’re just trying to help you, but then brush that shit off if it don’t feel good. I stopped tanning and wearing make up because i was told i would be better without it. And even though it was meant that in the most loving way with the most pure intentions, the way i reacted to that and took it as gospel was a reflection of my own insecurity. I changed myself not because i wanted to stop tanning, but because i thought it was the right thing to do, because i had been told so.
You know yourself. You are the authority on you. Don’t become another victim of doing the “right” thing, because the planet needs your light too damn much at the moment for you to be trying to fit into a cookie cutter mould of someone else. Do whatever the fuck feels good for YOU. Obviously as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. But don’t not do what feels good because you’re afraid of the way it will be perceived. That’s old world and there is simply no room for it anymore. This is 100% the part in the story where i tell you you’re a unicorn and don’t let anything dull your sparkle and all that jazz. Be you. You’re already a legend. So shed all those layers that aren’t you. Everything you’ve picked up along the way. And slap on some fake tan if that shit makes you feel good! Or stop wearing it if it doesn’t!!
One more time, you are the authority on you!
As we go into August and the Lion’s Gate Portal on the 8th August things will get more intense. It is very reminiscent of how challenging last year was, being a 9 year that asked us to tie up all lose ends and let go of all we are not. Same is happening in August. So the guidance here is to really feel into what it is you need. And do that. Let go of everything that you don’t need. Everything that isn’t you. Examine all that you do and think and say and wear and whether it’s actually you and your’s or just what you’ve picked up along the way. You already know what you need and what to do. Just make sure you listen to your own inner compass.
As always, i’m so stoked to be walking along side of you all as we are really creating and stepping into this New Earth. I think after this next month everything will be completely different. We just have to get through how freekin extreme it is! I haven’t felt the energies this extreme ever. It’s really challenging at the moment so just keep doing whatever you need to help you dance through it. Thanks for being here :)
To purchase the codes to help with this time, go to https://www.etsy.com/au/HandOfHannah/listing/533556686/lions-gate-portal-codes?utm_source=Copy&utm_medium=ListingManager&utm_campaign=Share&utm_term=so.lmsm&share_time=1501308975924
And as promised, here is some photographic evidence of the kind of tan i used to have :)