Down in the DM

In my short life, I’ve seen amazing shooters. Ranging from the Splash Bros to Shooter McGavin. The range of premier shot takers and shot makers has been quite a spectacle to watch.

Hell, my group of friends have never missed a shot of Smirnoff Triple Distilled in my entire college career. Which, according to my rudimentary math skills is a 100% success rate. Unbelievable.

Among all of this greatness, I confess I am nothing like these phenoms with my shot taking ability.

Now I was a decent basketball player in high school and am an intramural champ so my on court shooting isn’t bad.

I’m talking of course about taking shots in girls DMs.

A fickle art that takes many more misses than makes in order to develop a quality jump shot.

“Down in the DMs” is no joke.

My first experience with Direct Messaging was my most successful one actually. Beginners luck in my opinion.

I was 18 and saw a beautiful girl randomly at my uncles church a few times and found her in the Twittersphere. It developed into multiple dates, and in fact, a relationship spanning over a year. Looking back, it may not have been a shot I wanted to take as it ended as fast and furious as it began.

I remember the “knees weak, palms are sweaty” feeling as I typed out the message (I’m white I get to quote Eminem), and the non stop pacing as I hit send and threw my phone across the room, instantly regretting my decision.

If you have ever done this before, you know exactly what I’m talking about here.

The “risky” text/message/Snapchat we’ve all sent to someone who we all had hopes for landing in our bed.

Or the back of their Geo Metro over winter break when you’re home from school. Either way it’s fine trust me.

I’m 6'3 too which really tested the limits of my flexibility.

ANYWAY, as time went on, I realized that my first message may have been just beginners luck. Females are funny creatures, and the Direct Message is you vs. that girl 1 v. 1. Do you have what it takes to cause enough of a reaction in order for her to respond?

Sometimes it’s a positive reaction, and other times it can be negative.

For example, don’t send a picture of the back of her head through her living room window. I’m not exactly sure why, but I don’t think they like it.

I’m not saying I have sent a message like that, but I’m not going to sit here and tell you I haven’t.

Moving to the backbone of this topic: my own ineptitude at landing shots with accuracy within the cold world of Direct Messaging.

When I used to live in the dorms, you always spot out the attractive girls within the first few days, and I was no exception to that. I spotted a cute girl at the end of the hall and would casually do multiple loads of laundry just to walk past her room in hopes of her standing there, somehow waiting my arrival.

Well, the months rolled by and I saw her on Instagram one day and decided I could hit her with a follow. She followed back and that was the only confidence I needed to shoot my shot.

This is the exact message I sent her: “Hey! I know we haven’t talked much, but we live right down the hall from each other and it would be cool if we could hang out some time!”

Cringe worthy, I know.

She responded literally two days later. Who takes two days to respond to someone who lives 100 feet down the hall? This red flag should have been enough to shoo me away, but I’ve faced more daunting challenges than this in my life so i had to take it head on.

Our conversation went from the painfully awkward surface level questions, to me ending up in her room, looking at her 2 foot bong she somehow managed to hide in her closet as well as her multiple fifths scattered throughout her drawers she revealed to me.

Looking at this girl you never would have expected this side of her. A pretty, seemingly well kept together person who worked hard in school. I guess you can say not to judge a book by its cover.

(We will refer to her as Holly from this point on)

Holly and I went to a house party that night where I didn’t know a single soul and was at least comfortable knowing that Holly was here so we could brave the storm together.

I had to use the bathroom so I danced, mumbled awkward “excuse me’s”, and shimmied my way across the party to the bathroom.

Upon my exit, I stared across the room to see Holly draped over a dude I had never seen before and she kissed him in my clear eye sight.

I’m here to tell you we were there for maybe 10 minutes.

A grin of disbelief formed and I found the first exit out of that house I could. I drove the both of us so I felt a pang of guilt at leaving her, assuming she would call to figure out where I was as I drove off. She never called.

When the internet and the real world intersect, things don’t always go to plan. In fact, they rarely do.

Direct Messaging is an informal bridging of the gap. The innocent girl down the hall was quite the opposite of what reality showed and I learned that not all things on social media are honest reflections.

I’ve taken a few shots since and had mixed results: some haven’t replied, and others have led to me being in the most awkward car ride in recorded history.

Either way, you may never know what lies on the other end and should look at each one as a chance to meet a new person and walk away with an experience, and maybe something more.