Aspie Friendly

Heart And Hustle
Jul 21, 2017 · 3 min read

When I was a private practice therapist, I worked with lot of clients that have Asperger’s. I love people on spectrum because you always know where you stand. Their ability to say it like it is, from their perspective, without all the social constraints is something I have always deeply valued. It should come as no surprise then that I am very open to hiring employees that are Aspie.

So, sharing the information that a neurotypical wants to get to know an employee that happens to have Asperger’s means that I need to approach in a more direct way. I also happen to have the information, from previous discussions, that this employee doesn’t actually enjoy the interaction they have with the employee that is seeking them out. It was going to be an interesting conversation.

The employee and I have a push and pull in our dynamic. I have a history of supporting them as they transitioned from being successful in one department to wanting to quit to getting them into another department to see if they felt it was a better fit. They are still suspicious of my dedicated support in wanting to keep them with the company. I brought the employee into a private meeting room and began to explain the framework of what I was working on by connecting two employees together. They were not intrigued. To be fair though, I did not go in with the expectation they would.

The employee paced and moaned in frustration as I awaited their answer as to whom they would like to most connect with in the company. I didn’t want to push, I wanted to give the employee space to process and come to whatever place they wanted to land. They expressed that they felt I would wait them out as long as it took to get an answer. I didn’t plan on that but it provided me with details that they were willing to go through the exercise. Hence, I agreed with them. With more pacing and moaning, they finally came to a decision. They said they wanted to know what one specific employee did in their job function but that they didn’t want to have to endure the person’s super positive personality.

Did I mention how much I love people with Asperger's? This kind of direct information is rarely provided so easily. I have to typically dig around in a person’s psyche to get the raw data. It is a cake-walk with this employee. I am able to more fully support them in the way that works for them because they are so clear about it. As much as they grumble, they also made it apparent, in their own way, that they appreciate me. Baby steps!

I decided to seek out the other employee that is on spectrum and share who wanted to get to know them. Both employees had been seen through the hiring and on-boarding process with me but express in vastly different ways. I wanted to specifically talk with them one after the other to compare and contrast my own approach. The goal is to connect with each employee on their terms, so I was curious about my adaptability.

This employee is much newer to the company and that means their base for who they want to get to know isn’t as formed. They also have a generally less curmudgeonly approach than the previous employee. We explore together the idea of connecting with another employee. They had a lot of questions, which I love! We discussed different options for how they may or may not want to get to know another person at the company. When I finally asked who they wanted to get to know, they had an instant response. Turns out that who they want to get to know is the same person that wants to get to know them!

Putting these pieces together, reminds me of a podcast that I listen to that is based on understanding self-delusions. As much as I want to believe that I am shifting my approach for each person and keeping Asperger’s in perspective, I also have to acknowledge my own bias. I am drawn to individuals that are direct and authentic. These two employees come at life in such a way that I respect so much and I have to wonder how this influences how I interact with them. While I will always come from a second-order cybernetics perspective in my understanding of a system, I have to be brutally honest with myself if I am going to move forward. I am not truly as agnostic in my approach as I would like to believe. This is something to pay attention to!

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Heart And Hustle

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Documenting my HR journey within a startup…

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