Heath ዟ
Heath ዟ
Jul 21, 2017 · 1 min read

I didn’t forget, I’ve just been in the most exquisitely beautiful, perfect place for the last few days. :)

I do like the first better. It gives me mind room to make pictures (and you draw them so damn well…. fiy, I want to smooch that puppy, yes, I’m a puppy smoocher… not a let them lick me in the mouth smoocher, but more a kiss on the muzzle puppy smoocher... and wow I just wrote a lot about dog-kissing!)

For me, the nonet, especially, is very unforgiving and difficult to make the words sort of circle the drain of that cone, smaller and smaller until it rests at the tip.

That said, I think you did a fine job, but it loses much from the original that, to me, makes the poem speak to me.

FYI: I did something similar once, and the version I thought was better got universally poo-pooed, haha! I wasn’t as brave as you about it though.

)

    Heath ዟ

    Written by

    Heath ዟ

    https://amazon.com/author/heathhouston — What’s sorely missing from our society today is the imminent threat of a righteous ass-kicking.