You guys have officially murdered my email…

…and it could not have happened in a nicer way. I am so incredibly touched.

I do wish gmail hadn’t choked, though. I’m having to manually go through and make I don’t miss anyone’s comment.

This is in reference to:

I feel like a swollen-headed douche for making public announcements, but with the unexpected response I got (I swear it was not intended for that. I love this place but felt I needed to distance myself from certain reminders… I couldn’t leave without saying something, though) I just want to update my previous “thing.”

I’m not going away. Some things happened, then some more things happened, and then more things occurred. I needed to sort it and I selfishly did it here without realizing how many people it would spill over onto.

The relationship I’m in is messy, but it’s also the thing in my life that I am the most certain should be of anything I’ve ever been certain of. It’s intense beyond measure and absolutely plagued with reasons it should fail, but if there is one thing in this universe that I would bet on being good and right, this would be it.

I’ve been on Medium 2 years and in the last few months I’ve written 90% of my material on here because of her. It’s also the best stuff I’ve ever written, regardless of what I’ve called it. I have my own reasons for being uncomfortable with it, but it’s still the best I’ve managed to do.

I’m not very comfortable publicizing personal details outside of my poetry and such, so just to keep it brief, relationship crashed hard (though not as hard as either of us thought), we talked, we both want it to continue, so boom, it’s all good.

I’ve had so many people message me publicly and privately that I am absolutely shocked. I mean holy shit! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, and I am so sorry I caused any sort of mess on here, I really honestly did not mean to. My writing may be over dramatic at times, but I’m really not. I have no idea how to address this other than to let you folks know how truly moved I am.

If you’ve ever wished you had some wise friend to go to when you didn’t know what to do… well, I accidentally did that here, except I got a hundred of those wise friends setting me straight without treating me like the drama queen I probably deserved to be treated as. I’ve gotten so much good advice and viewpoints from you. It was so unexpected. Thank you for helping me get my head on straight. I might sound like I know what I’m talking about from time to time but I’m usually just an idiot in the wind with no idea what I’m doing.

So, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I’m not leaving. I just need to get my head around my writing motivation and make sure I feel genuine about it. I emailed some of the more finished stuff in my Drafts to her before deleting it, so I inadvertently made a copy. I might finish up some of that and put it out. Yes, it’s love poems and the related and I said I wouldn’t write those anymore, and I might not, but I hate having something 99% written and feeling it’s pretty good and not doing something with it. Besides, it didn’t occur to me until David Collante and Anna Present mentioned it, that I would effectively end my writer association with Poetry After Dark (kind of my home publication) since I’d be refusing to write the very material that publication is focused on.

In summation (because I got long winded) broken heart on the mend, still here, still intend writing (just figuring some things out), and I plan on reversing some of what I said in that last story due to smarter and wiser people than me having some really excellent advice and being super supportive. I’m sorry for causing drama. I really am.