Who knew the hidden danger of kittens?

My secret kitten shame

I realise this isn’t a confessional site, but having been brought up Roman Catholic I just can’t help unburdening myself whenever possible.

You see, I have a problem, an addiction some might call it. I’ve never been the addictive type, I mean all kids like sherbet dabs and then we graduate onto the occasional cider and before you know it you’re being sick outside Tescos after having one too many glasses of cheap wine.

But this isn’t the problem I want to discuss here, no my present problem is far, far worse than that. I’m addicted to online kittens.

Easy to love, impossible to give up.

Ever since I got broadband I have discovered the wealth of free kitten pictures available online.

It all started quite innocently; someone suggested I change over to Firefox instead of Internet Explorer. Then I found you could use this thing called Stumble Upon, all you had to do was tell it what sort of things you were interested in, and that’s where my problems started.

Let’s be honest here, everyone who has a heart loves to look at cute little furry things; kittens are beautiful, playful and brighten your day.

So I clicked on the kittens box, thinking that maybe I’d just get the occasional image and no one would know, it can’t hurt can it?

Well, sadly that’s what I thought, but the first time I clicked Stumble I found some kitten pictures and I was fascinated at the variety of colours, sizes, long haired, short haired, different settings and the different poses!

I kept clicking and looking at more and more kittens; kittens being cute, kittens being bad, in boxes, lying on tables, on beds, curled up asleep, on the prowl, any way I could get them, I just wanted to see more and more kittens.

I was sucked into the fluffeh world of hardcore kittens.

I started to go looking for pictures — something I’d never done before and certainly wouldn’t admit to anyone. Before I knew it I was spending hours searching and viewing more and more kitten pics.

To my eternal shame I even got myself a Youtube account so I could look for videos too.

I soon knew where to go looking for fresh kittens; I had Rate my Kitten bookmarked. Then things started to spiral out of control.

My need for fluffiness was taking over my life so much that I started to cruise local pet shops in the hope of seeing some real live kittens. I signed up to websites where I could meet other kitten lovers; some will even put their kittens on webcam.

My friends stopped inviting me over to their house because they knew I would only come if they had cats.

When my friends started to notice my fixation one of them sat me down and discussed my needs. They made me realise that I was loosing touch with the real world, that I probably couldn’t keep a kitten myself, that my fixation wasn’t based upon real life kittens, kittens who need feeding, who use a litter tray, who scratch the furniture and leave fur everywhere, they really laid it on the line for me — they even mentioned fleas. My expectations for kittens just weren’t real and until I could accept that kittens are not just loveable bundles of fluff but real, living, breathing creatures, with needs then I simply won’t be able to handle keeping a kitten of my own.

So I’m trying each day to cut down on the amount of kittens I look at online. It’s not easy, but it was beginning to ruin my life; when you’re in the pub it’s far easier to admit to being addicted to alcohol or drugs even, but not teh fluffeh kittens.

One of the most effective ways to keep me away from them I’ve discovered is to look at online porn; there’s no shame, everyone does it.

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