Online Dating and the Theory of Relativity:

You walk into a bar full of people. All of them have similar personalities for you, are completely open to discussion and maybe love. None of them really wanna kick your boyfriend’s ass and do a line in the bathroom. This bar is called online dating.

This year, 2015, marks the centenary of one of the greatest scientific discoveries in all history occurred; Einstein discovered relativity. Relativity is how two bodies relate to one another in space.

Online dating has also dealt with how two bodies relate to one another, they are just human bodies, and if it’s tinder, they will relate in a very physical way. Online dating is a revolution at the moment, and in order to explain complex concepts to an idiot like me, I will combine both fields.

I will trial 4 different dating websites and apps to answer the age old question that if “E=MC2”, and E stands for single lonely people, than what is MC2. In laymans terms, to see what websites attracts what.

Now it might strike you odd that someone fascinated with blogging and physics is single. How cruel a twist of fate that such a social activity, like establishing how gravity and astrophysics work in an interplanetary context, should leave someone’s only hope of finding love online.

The advance of technology has meant that the awkward task of asking someone out has become far easier, and the threat of meeting people in real life has become more daunting. People have online personas, and with increased reporting on violent assaults, people are very aware that any random person could be a potential threat.

To tie in online dating to real life, I equate the world of online dating to a real ‘world’ or planet. Originally, when it is small, it has less pulling power, but as it’s mass increases, the gravity it has also increases. So the more people that use online dating, the better it is. However, it is important to note that when an object comes too massive, it can collapse in on itself, creating a boundary from which even light cannot escape.

Einstein also proved that objects moving at high speed are smaller. Interestingly, the websites that allow the users to move between profiles at the highest speed are the largest.

Based on Pew Research in America, 2013

The apps/ websites are:

  1. Tinder
  2. eHarmony
  3. OKCupid
  4. Cougar Life

You might be reading this and thinking, what is the actual point of all this?

The job of this blogger is simply to wade through the world of online dating, seeing what websites attract what people, and working out, using laboured and tenuous Einsteinian metaphors to help us, the lonely and the bored, to find love by looking as far and as wide as I can be bothered.


Let’s be honest, if you haven’t at least seen this app be used, you need to go back to the cave, tell Og to stop sharpening his one arrowhead that the tribe shares and get into the 21st century. No physics metaphor here because you are so far back even basic subtraction is in the realms of impossibility.

This is an app that has over 50 million users and is the backbone of modern dating. Unless you are a Hemsworth. Then genetics is a pretty good place to start your dating experience (Note: I’m not saying the Hemsworth brothers date each other, I’m just saying they are how good looking you have to be to not be on Tinder. Maybe that third one could do with it in retrospect.)

The clientele of Tinder is as mixed of a bag as a real bar that’s name is “Tinder.” It’s so varied that I matched with one girl who was in a relationship. It’s a dating app, come back when you are as desperate as the rest of us (note: I now realise this may have been a rejection. Let’s just move on like the joke works).

This app i recommend for anyone, because you are probably already on it.


The sign up time is about 5–10 minutes and is a pretty good gauge as to your personality. They don’t tend to match you with people that are similar, but they do tell you how similar you are, which is the same as giving you the wrong meal at a restaurant, but telling you what similar ingredients it has in it to the one you ordered.

One major change by going to the entry level of online dating is that people do respond, and it lacks the awkwardness of tinder. On tinder, you don’t know how seriously people are participating, its a bit like a ‘try before you buy’ situation. At this level, people are generally taking the dating or friendship aspect pretty seriously.

On this website, at least those shown to me, a major contingent was hipsters, most people seem to at least have a Bachelor in something (or be a bachelor in life. That may be the worst joke I ever do). The target seems to be people that are sick of being hit on by hordes of sex-deprived men.


On the left eHarmony questionaire. On the right, OKCupid.


This website, unlike every other one, seems to really try to be the one that actually wants only relationships. It feels a lot like a dinner party at a friend’s house; all the people are nice, very accurately matched to you and tend to only have good intentions. The only issue is that the free version is completely blind; you can see no pictures without paying.

So although all the people I was matched with really did share my interests and style of humour, if you are a shallow asshole like myself, it does make things hard. In that sense, it is not unlike being very drunk at a poorly lit nightclub; you can discern a few things about some people, but really you won’t know until you wake up with them.

The initial questionnaire is pretty brutal, it takes about 20–25 minutes, but as stated above, it really is an accurate match.

Without having paid, it is the one to pay for for those looking to really find love.

Cougar Life:

When objects travel at very high speeds, time begins to slow down.

So too does age in photos as one approaches a higher age. The higher the age, the older the pictures. This website I thought would be like a “Mrs. Robinson in the graduate” sort of situation.

How wrong I was.

Think about it more like Hansel and Gretel and the witch. It seems promising, but then you find that you are being sold a lie. There are good women on here looking for serious relationships, but there are equally as many people that are cat fishing and looking to score some email addresses.

What was the wildcard website has proved to be as useful as a card in the wild. Useless.

Recommended only for those who really are into this.

To conclude, love is available on the internet, how ever, to find it you may just have to pay. But if you think that paying is worse than talking to people in real life, there is hope for love, a more obvious and traditional one…

Studying Einstein. Because when has physics not been sexy.