Time is irrelevant, only life matters.

When trying to make time for meditation and contemplation in the midst of chaos everything takes on a second meaning. The very act itself becomes a battlefield when children are nearby, and someone declaring they don’t want to be friends with someone else can become a source of deep unrest.

So far I’ve discovered that I love mediation, the stretching and exercising of the mind comes naturally in the intellectual pursuit of wisdom. Contemplation however is my constant foe, to rest on something and wait becomes a struggle not to engage and pursue a line of thought. Music seems to be a natural ally in this pursuit, a way to let myself focus on something without taking it beyond the time and place it lives in.

In the first week I found it hard to even begin, because it is hard to see or feel value in the quiet. My mind tells my heart that this is the way, but my heart is restless and undisciplined so it resists and struggles any effort to tame or subdue it. There was always something better to do it said.

In the second week there was an avalanche of ideas, one stirring yet another into a roaring current that was exciting and joyful. There was still little focus or discipline in it though, more of a following the river where it led.

In the third week there was more of the same, pride in the knowledge gleaned and secured, arguments brought to bear, but perhaps a bit more peace and self control in the rest of my life.

Now in the fourth week I reflect and know that the energy is not enough, that the struggle for me moving forward will be in taking the time to rest in the truth so that it sinks into my dry bones rather then running off like any other flash flood. There will be no shortcut to be found, and it will be a struggle to stop practicing the things I’m good at and work on the things that need it.