A love Story. Arnold Schwarzenegger Style.
John is out for a late-night cruise when he spots a sultry figure with hairy armpits walking along the lonesome street. The name tag on her shirt read “Hello, my name is Linda”.
“Give you a lift?”, he asks.
“Got to catch the red eye!” she exclaimed, casually shrugging.
“Come with me if you want to live,” he replied.
Linda looked at her watch and then decided it was worth possibly being murdered to make it to the airport on time.
“You’re luggage!” John motioned behind Linda to the black tote sitting on the curb. Linda let out a nervous chuckle and got back out of the car to retrieve her belongings.
After she got back in the car, John eased the car into gear and began the short trip to the airport. The awkward silence was getting in the way of his boner, so he decided to make some small talk.
“Allow me to break the ice. Who is your daddy and what does he do?”, he inquired.
Linda looked at this strangely handsome man and pondered her next response. She was dosed pretty heavily on anti-psych meds, so her thought process was a bit different from most.
“You killed my father…big mistake,” she replied.
John was shocked.
“I’m a cop you idiot!”
“Chill out dickwad,” Linda retorted.
This turned on John a lot. He enjoyed a woman with a fiery tongue. It made his boner more bonery.
“You are one ugly motherfucker,” he whispered, easing the car to the side of the road, into the shadow of a broken streetlight. He looked over at Linda, she was breathing heavily. She looked at him coyly, opening her armpits to him. John was really raging now. This was how love felt.
“But I’m all woman,” Linda flushed.
“I love you too, sweetheart,” John grunted as he flung himself upon Linda’s body. She opened herself to him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear.
“You want to be a farmer?” she cried. “Here’s a couple of acres!” John started plowing.
He was alive in her and they were one. This was what he lived for. His whole life was for moments like this, under the broken streetlight, warm in the musty jungle of Linda’s armpits. The voice of his father clearly emanated from within, asking him to recall the one goal of his bloodline. John was so moved he cried out.
“To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!”
This forceful expression made Linda get all hot and horny too.
“Do it! Do it now!” she passionately shrieked.
The car violently rocked. The howl of a stray dog, trailed off to nowhere and the car quit moving. After a few minutes of silence, the brake lights came on and the car slowly drove off, towards its destination.
As the car pulled up to the passenger drop off, John realized he had fallen for this woman, after those steamy and sweaty minutes on that dark and lonely street. Linda felt it too. She opened the door and got out of the car.
“You’re luggage!” John yelled after her, pointing to the black tote sitting in the back seat. Linda looked at it, and then playfully back to John.
“I’ll be back”