BEING HONEST WITH GOD..
“I am angry!” She said to me.
It was a strange way to start a conversation in an open place with a ‘stranger’, but her emotions seemed to overwhelm her.
I had just finished reading a book for review and was writing my thoughts on the book when this lady stepped between my thoughts. Asking her to hold on a second, I finished a paragraph and put the book back in my bag.
”Lets walk a bit,” I suggested surprisingly and somewhat fearfully to this person I was just meeting for the first time. When we were somewhat out of the sight from the crowd at the park and almost alone, I quietly asked her, “what happened to you?”
For half a second I thought she might slap me, for being a little too direct and all serious. But as I watched, the ice in her eyes melted from anger into intense pain. The she bent her head, rivers of tears streaming down her face. I have honestly never experienced these before, and somehow became confused. But I did let her speak.
“I was abused,…” she said when she could speak.
This was how I knew she was one of my blog subscribers who probably knew me enough to recognize me at the park. I was happy to actually meet her in person, not surprised at all by her story, but rather surprised that she had the courage to tell it all to a ‘strange blogger’ she only had just met.
We talked for a long time that evening.
At one point I asked her if she had let God see her rage, and she seemed horrified by the suggestion and at the thought of it.
“I can’t talk to God like that!” “I can’t be angry at God!” “God is God!” She said.
“Don’t you think He already knows?” I asked, holding her palms. “He knows- and He loves you. He knows- and He wants you to trust Him enough to tell Him exactly how you feel. He knows- and He wants to hear it all. He knows you are angry. He knows you are struggling in your relationships because of what you went through. He knows how hard you try to put up appearances and make it look like you have it all together– and whatever you say to Him, however you say it will not change what He thinks about you or make Him love you less.”
Have you ever done that? I mean, have you ever been honest with God about your feelings? Have you ever simply gotten alone with God and let Him have it all, the good, the bad and the downright ugly–whatever it is you are feeling, thinking or going through?
A lot of people fret about being honest with God– even if it means anger, expressing displeasure.
Some people say it is questioning God or being angry at God, which they consider a ‘sin’ or a no-go-area.
I personally do not think its about questioning God.
I see it as — something happens to me that I don’t seem to understand, hurts me and makes me feel pain, anger all the time, I ask my father. I talk to Him about it and say it the way I feel so He knows the depth of my pain or anguish. It is my right and privilege as His child to talk to Him about whatever is happening in my life– the good, the bad, the ugly. God is a loving Father, He is nothing like our earthly fathers.
Rather than covering up your pains, anger, worries, excitements etc. and worshiping with an heavy heart, a sighing lips, I think its better laying everything open before Him. It changes a lot of things about us, about our perspective of God, our view of Christianity and helps us be better Christians.
Trust me, I have been there. The day I became overwhelmed by feelings of frustration over where my life was headed, depression, discouragements, pains, anger from memories of past hurts and abuse — I spoke. Loudly, angrily, relentlessly I kept talking. In both anger and frustration and confusion of what might be my fate after the outburst, I told God everything. The way I felt and had been feeling over the years. The times I blamed Him for everything that was happening in my life. It wasn’t pretty.
I thought God will kill me for being angry at Him and even remember asking Him to take my life. Then I waited to be struck by lightening. I went to bed hoping never to wake up the next day. Well I’m here today, so the lightening never struck. I felt free like I was just freed from something that almost choked me to death. I felt closer to God than before. The events, revelations, inspirations that unfolded in the days after proved to me that God really like and desire for us to be honest with Him.
He knows everything we are going through. But He still wants us to tell Him all of it rather than put on the “all-is-well garment” even in His presence. It is Ok to put up appearances with people, but we should make everything open before God. He wants you to trust Him. Truth, Trust, Honesty destroys walls.
Have you been honest with God about how you feel? Have you ever gotten alone with God and let Him have it all?
If you have, how did you feel afterwards? what changes has it made in your life so far?
If not, Are you willing to take the risk today? Will you fall at the feet of Jesus and tell Him your story and let Him love love you back to life?
I’ll love to hear from you.
Originally published at intentional247.com on October 26, 2015.