HOW TO MAKE KALE CHIPS THAT TASTE LIKE ASS
Everyone is lying about how good these things taste. LIES!
Lately I’ve been hearing so much “Kale this! Kale that!” on the Internet and behind. I’m seeing more and more folks wearing their kale ‘Yale’ shirts, and kale has been showing up in everything from smoothies to pizzas to cocktails.
At Whole Foods, bags of kale chips line the aisles, and my co-workers make them, declaring that they’re delicious. I wanted to see what the hubbub is all about, so I decided to make kale chips for myself.
They’re easy as shit to make, but let me tell you: Everyone is lying. They taste like ass.
Here is the recipe below:
You need:
-A bundle of kale, pinch of salt, tin foil, backing sheet, oven, lights so you can see what you’re doing, arms to place the chips in the oven and eyes to make sure you don’t burn yourself when taking the kale chips out of the oven. Clothing is optional. I decided to make these chips in my pjs with makeup on from the night before.
Step 1: So, you see here? I’ve ripped up pieces of raw kale to look like chips and placed them on a baking sheet. Once they’re baked, these puppies are going to be tiny-ass chips. They might even taste like air once done (I’ll fast forward to the ending here: They DO taste like air once baked)
Step 2: Here I drizzled oil and sprinkled sea salt onto the kale. This is the hardest part of the recipe. If you can’t do this, then I’d give up on life. Set the oven to 275 and bake the chips for 10–15 minutes. I had a picture of me doing this but it came out blurry. Try baking in one hand and taking a photo in the other. TRY IT! It ain’t easy.
Step 3: When the kale is done baking, they come out looking like tiny ninja death stars. If you’re not careful, they’ll ninja-up your mouth too. These little assholes are sharp.
Step 4: Wow. Kale chips aren’t that great. If fact, they taste like the shit that is sometime stuck underneath your pizza. Yes, they taste like carcinogens.
Step 5: Dear God. Get this taste out of my mouth, please.
