One alphet, four riders. You know how it works. Scores for their kit, bike and moves out of 10.

Mark Cavendish

Kittel went before him, Cav and the whole of his Dimension Data team were pushing a bigger chainring for the tailwind, and his top end leg speed from a winter of track is what won it. He turned up to the presentation wearing a cap (top marks), but let himself down by the cheap bar tape, shit bins and tacky yellow helmet. Those Nike shoes though.

  • Moves: 6/10
  • Bike: 4/10
  • Kit: 6/10

Peter Sagan

Man we are hard for this look. Yellow bins, black helmet, black shorts, rainbow stripes. Fit is killa. Just look at them gloves. Yellow rainbow, into it.

  • Moves: 6/10
  • Bike: 8/10
  • Kit: 10/10

Greg Van Avermaet

Cheap bar tape, cheap yellow power meter, matte white frame and BMC unfortunately opted to wear yellow helmets because they held the Team classification. Dude looks like the end of an RCA cable.

  • Moves: 8/10
  • Bike: 4/10
  • Kit: 2/10

Chris Froome

The most swagless homie in the pro peloton attacked on a downhill and took the yellow jersey all the way to Paris.

Chris, we’re sorry — we’re sorry we should’ve realised way back in 2011 when you attacked Cobo on the inside of that final corner at the Vuelta. Fuck, we should’ve realised when you attacked Wiggins in 2012. We should’ve realised on Stage 10 in 2015 when you dropped the haymaker. We should’ve realised when you showed us that demented pedalling on ya top tube this year. But, fuck, when you dropped it with Sagan in those crosswinds… Dude, you ran up Mont Ventoux, and, dya know what — you looked good…

Ain’t nothing that looks better than winning. You can wear what you want.

  • Moves: 10/10
  • Bike: 4/10
  • Kit: 6/10


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