Opinion: “The Avoidance” Is Unmatched Cruelty
Opinion piece submitted by Weylin, a former member of Church of God in Christ Mennonite.
Groups that practice shunning include Jehovah’s Witnesses, Amish, Mennonites, Mormons and Scientology. One item worth noting is that each of these groups would disapprove of the other groups method of shunning. In each of these groups, the shunning seems to stem from a need to mete out punishment to the offender. Once again they would see each other’s practice of shunning as punishment but are unable to see it in their own use of it. Shunning is often included with bullying and mobbing.
See Also: Holdeman Mennonite General Conference Agenda to Include Shunning and Holy Kiss
Humans are tribe seekers. Evolutionarily, losing the tribe meant eminent death. Taking away a group one depends on for social, spiritual, or religious connection triggers unconscious fears. Everything in the recipient of the avoidance screams that the tribe is disappearing and triggers the brain to begin looking for ways to avoid coming death. This may not seem like such a big problem, but psychologically this is highly traumatic, especially if it’s a choice made by those who were considered friends.
Many who have experienced shunning are damaged psychologically. This can display itself in several ways, one of which is nightmares. There are those who experience night terrors so strongly that it takes drugs, medications or other substances to get proper sleep. Contrary to what church leadership would like to think, this is not a fear of hell or punishment. It is the brain bringing up all the people who have pulled away from this shunned member and trying to bring solutions. One will wake from dreams so lifelike and vivid that they can be confused with actual memories. Other dreams are simply exceedingly violent and rage or hate filled. RTS, or religious trauma syndrome, is often exacerbated by the practice of shunning.
This is also damaging to those administering the shunning. They must make a switch in their minds and accept eternal punishment for their friend or loved one. There is no way they can continue to love that person to the same depth or in the same way. There’s often no way to hold that belief and not pull away to protect themselves from the pain. With children this is particularly cruel and emotionally damaging as they try to temper their love with the horrifying thought of a hell bound sibling or parent.
One thing that perpetrators of shunning like to say is “love the sinner but hate the sin.” Once again this is not possible for the human brain to do. Doesn’t it seem a bit ludicrous to state that you love tomatoes but hate the taste? Either there is a level of excusing the sins beyond the church’s approval, or else there is a diminishing in the love of that person. Sadly it is most often the latter. Interestingly the levels of shunning often vary as the person being punished moves more toward or away from the church’s beliefs. It ends up being an amazingly complex mind game for both the shunners and shunned.
It seems impossible that any god, who portrays itself as a god of love, would institute practices that are so damaging to the human psyche. Jesus’ teaching of love and acceptance holds little room for such practices. It seems difficult to balance the varying practices of different sects of religious groups. The avoidance is a depth of disrespect too deep to be comprehended by those practicing it. The self righteousness and arrogance is astonishing. The scriptures used to justify it are interpreted very liberally and would seem to actually call for very different actions. This is a classic example of cult behavior. One way to stand out is to interpret certain scriptures very differently than other sects and then hold those verses as significant and hold very tightly to these incorrect interpretations especially if they seem to be calling for action in some way.
See Also: Over 400 Excommunicated from Church of God in Christ Mennonite in Single Year, Records Indicate
One incredibly problematic part of shunning is that often the person being targeted was slowly brought to a place of dependance on the group now shunning them. This can happen over time or more often is simply because the person was raised in that position from childhood. This can be especially problematic because that person has not cultivated other relationships and can be totally isolated. This is cruelty that is nearly unmatched by any other practice of religious cults. The saddest part is that often the person is forced back to a place of subservience and absorbed by the group again. This seems counterintuitive because by its very nature it is almost impossible to tell if the subject is actually committed or is complying to be part of the tribe again. Many are in this position because they feel they have no other recourse. In some cases, this has led to recipients of The Avoidance taking their own life because they were not able to survive the separation of the tribe.
One avenue not discussed is the extreme damage caused to family units by such a damaging practice. I feel that is worthy of a whole separate article.
Opinion pieces represent the views of their authors and are not neccessarily the views of The Holdeman Reporter.
