How do I unlove you?

How do I unlove you?

If every minute that I try to forget you, I fail. Every minute I try to do something else, I can’t help but mute the television so I could hear myself weep instead. Because it feels better — sounds better. Every minute that I wanna laugh, it wouldn’t last because it saddens me that you’ll no longer there to listen to my stories. Every minute that they cheer me up, I’d just cry harder because I know I’m helpless.

How do I unlove you?

If everyday, I’m remembering how joyous and merry I was with you and I am so in love with myself then because I never knew I can attain that level of happiness.

What happened? What didn’t I have to make you stay? Why didn’t we last? Why didn’t you fight with me?

How do I unlove you?

The more that I push myself to do it, it’s only getting worse. This is the part where I’m so lost I don’t know what else to do because I’ve tried everything.

Time heals all wounds.

I’m scared of time. I’m scared of the day that finally, I’ve forgotten about how I felt for you. I’m scared I cannot find as special as you, I’m scared that I cannot love another again as much as I have loved you. I’m scared of forgetting how much love I can give, the capability that I can make someone feel important as I have with you.

I’m scared of unloving you because being with you, with every part of my heart and soul, I knew I was happy.

And I’m scared that nothing can ever make me happy as much as my feelings for you did.

How do I unlove you?

Even when I see you getting back on track, meeting new people, knowing that you’re fine without me, I know I’m hating you. Please believe me when I say I want nothing but grant you happiness and freedom. But I can’t help but feel lonely as you’ve been living as if I were an insignificant portion of your life or as if I were just a mini-stop you found on your way. I abhor you for moving on too fast. I envy you for having it and taking this easy. I want to smack and slap you. I want to punch you in the face. I want you to hear things from me. I want to cuss words at you. I want to strangle you. But everytime I think of ways on how to hurt you, I remember that you’re the man who was there and gave me a part of his heart when I needed it the most.

You don’t hurt the ones who matter the most to you.

I want to believe that this is hard for you too, so you said. Not everything you see is real. Not every happy man is happy. Not every man who seems not to care, does not care. But you’re stronger than this, and I’m not. That’s why I envy you. You’re more likely to get through this faster than I ever will.

How do I unlove you?

Because doing so is not easy, and I’m running out of ways on how to make myself realize that it’s possible.