We ALL hate the ‘Modern’ woman.

Yup. We do. All of us. Even a modern woman hates another modern woman because the latter is far too modern and there obviously is a scale out there that decides the dosage of ‘modern’ that’s just right. And do we even need to talk about the rest of the society, for the ‘Char log’ generously indulge in making their opinions known about what exactly makes a woman worthy of our loving and accepting society. The portion of the female population that does not pass this test is garbage and worthy of all the hate that can be mustered by the world. Obviously.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

You see, there was a time when women were shunned by the society and were made to indulge in horrific practices like Sati. But women fought back, didn’t they? And our society was kind enough to recognize that those practices failed to quieten the nudging sense of guilt over the lack of humanity by the practitioners of those rituals. Thus came the generation of the ‘strong’ women. They are our mothers and grandmothers who went out into the society, faced severe oppression and yet, juggled their professional lives and household duties expertly. Of course, their education stopped when their parents decided that they cannot afford grooms to get them married off to, if they studied any further. But that’s only fair, because however can the men in our society digest the fact that their ‘better-halves’ can potentially earn more than they do?

These days, however, the girls are just whiny, man. They are not ‘strong’. They just can’t tolerate the fact that privileges are handed out at birth. They can’t gather all their strength and watch silently while they are being oppressed. And how dare they have opinions!? How dare they ask the society to be more educated in the matters of privilege? Now now, we all approve of the feminists who went to the ‘Global School of Feminism’, underwent carefully crafted academic plans for years together, graduated with flying colors and understand all the nuances of the comprehensive theory of feminism. Although we strictly follow the policy ‘All human beings are equal but some human beings are more equal than the others’. Also, be warned, if you are a self-taught feminist, who is still in the process of learning about feminism, what, with half the resources on the internet hugely misleading, we will wait for you to make a mistake after which we’ll disregard your anger, brand you a ‘feminazi’ and propagate the fact that feminism is toxic for the society. After all, these measures are needed to maintain the skewed balance of the society.

All the products of our patriarchal structure and casteist society (fascinating concepts by the way) have been warning us that globalization is the root of all these evils. Don’t educate your women, they said. They will never know they are being oppressed, they said. Well, what’s done is done. We’ll now concentrate on telling everyone why being a ‘modern’ woman is a sin. We already pulled off entrusting the entire responsibility of upholding our culture and traditions to our women. So any woman who dares to question does not fit into the society and has to be rejected. We let the boys embrace westernization decades ago but let’s not talk about that. Minor details and all. But women, they are the flag bearers of the honor of our households. How can they go out into the world where there are potential abusers lurking everywhere? Our traditions need to be enforced so that they act like protective shields to our women. Exceptional logic, I must add. Sit on the problem and pretend like it does not exist instead of actually dealing with it. Works like a charm. Every. Single. Time.

So in conclusion, the existence of a ‘modern’ woman is out of question. If she dares to exist, we make a fool out of her.

Fantastic.

Ladies and Gentlemen (the gender binary rules!), everyone is welcome in our society. We, here, are a sentimental and warm bunch of people. It’s just that we ALL hate the modern woman. Again, minor details. We actually only approve of a set of ‘upper class men’ but that’s a story for another day and time.

P.S: All the rules of not all men, not all women and not all people apply. Please don’t bore me with those details.

Hot Tea, Warm Hands

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